Putting a face on the CURRENT health care crisis

I would like to take a moment to give you my own, personal story. Not talk about "what scary thing might or might not happen under a hypothetical public option plan" ... but what has happened, is happening, and will likely happen under the health care system we have today.

Many of you have been very lucky to have health benefits and haven't had to go without insurance coverage for any (or lengthy) amounts of time. You people are the lucky ones, really. I envy all of you... I also feel very sad when I hear people who haven't fallen on hard times start talking out of their wallets, because they can't empathize with anyone who hasn't experienced continuous health care coverage.

I've had both experiences. Here is my story...

Once upon a time in the 1990s, I was married. Believe it! I really was! And during that time, while I was a part-time student pursuing a degree for a better life for my family and a part-time stay-at-home parent to provide loving care for my little ones when they needed it most, my then-husband had a decent job that planted us firmly into the middle class and also gave us all health insurance coverage.

During that time, I could pick from a list of providers and get seen wherever and whenever I needed care for pretty much everything, so long as the care came from one of their providers. I call this time the "salad days." Being that I have a heart condition: paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia (PSVT). I was so happy to have health insurance and to be working towards finding a way to manage it and maybe someday cure it (the cure hadn't been perfected just yet).

For reasons outside of my control, my marriage fell apart when I was not even 29 years old. I managed to keep the divorce amicable, despite extremely emotional reasons for the divorce (his affair) and, perhaps partially out of guilt, he agreed to keep our three kids and me covered under his insurance plan via COBRA for a period of some years.

That all worked out just fine and dandy for a time... until about 1.5 years post-divorce, he suddenly decided to cancel that COBRA plan for all of us. As if that isn't bad enough, he did this the day after I asked him not to cancel that plan for at least a month, because my cardiologist said that I was finally considered a "prime candidate" for the surgical procedure that would cure me of the PSVT forever.

I learned that my insurance was canceled from my cardiologist, who, when calling to get approval for the surgery, was told by the insurance company that my ex-husband had just canceled it. I could hear disbelief in his voice as he relayed this information to me, actually choking up as he said, "The worst part is, now that you have this diagnosis, you will likely never be covered under any other insurance plan for this cure or for continued care."

I was devastated, to say the least.

But I had to pick up the pieces somehow. Being that I was still enrolled in graduate school, I did not have an employer offering insurance coverage. I qualified my children for Medicaid coverage, so that I would at least not have to worry about them. Then I started my research to find someone willing to give me private, independent insurance.

After a few months of searching, I settled on Blue Cross Blue Shield. The initial online review of my history told me that they would not cover anything heart-related for a period of 3 years, but my premiums would only be $189 per month. It would be tough, but I could do that... just cut out extra expenses here and there.

When they sent me the legal agreement to sign, suddenly the wording had changed to no heart-related coverage for a period of 5 years, but the premium hadn't changed, so I agreed and signed. Several weeks later, the finalized insurance plan and cards came in the mail to me: no cardio-related coverage for a period of 6 years. Huh? They just arbitrarily changed it AFTER I had signed on the dotted line? That can't be right!

I called to tell them of their typo and the person cheerfully, but firmly told me that it wasn't an error and they were allowed to change the terms up to that point, but that I could rest assured that no changes would be made until my one-year review with them.

Begrudgingly, I continued with BCBS, because I needed to be able to see doctors... GYN, annual check-ups, that sort of thing. After just 5 months with them, I got a letter in the mail stating that my plan had been reviewed and now my premium had jumped to $396 per month... more than double!

After picking myself up off the floor, I called BCBS and told them that surely there had been a mistake, because I was still a fairly new member.

BCBS CSR: "You were reviewed because you have been with us for one year and after each year of service, we review our customers' files for changes in their medical history."

Me: "Um, no. I've only been with you for 5 months."

BCBS CSR: "Then you were reviewed because you had some sort of major change in your health, requiring you to see a specialist on an on-going basis."

Me: "No again. I only had an annual gynecology appointment and one dermatology appointment. Nothing has changed."

BCBS CSR: "Well, then you were reviewed because you had passed into a new age bracket in that time."

Me: "What? No, I'm still 31. I haven't even had a birthday yet this year! It's in December. Besides, I won't move up into the next age group for a couple of years."

BCBS CSR: "I'm sure there was a reason. It's just not showing on my screen right now. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Me: "Yeah, you can help me decide if I should continue having health insurance or if I should continue feeding my children. I am just going to have to cancel my insurance, obviously."

BCBS CSR: "I can't help you with that over the phone. You will have to send your request in writing to us. Is there anything else that I can help you with today?"

Me: "No, you've already been so not helpful enough for today. Thank you."


That was mid-2002. Around that same time, I had to go to a meeting of creditors in bankruptcy court, because my ex-husband had filed and was trying to get out of back child support payments to me through that. While there, I listened to case after case of people who were going through bankruptcy, and more than half of them were medical-related bankruptcies. The courtroom looked like an emergency room, filled with wheelchairs and crutches and oxygen tanks and whatnot. I was stunned at what the cost of healthcare was doing to people's lives.

I have been without health insurance ever since that Blue Cross Blue Shield fiasco. I am NOT one of the people who "chooses to go naked" on this. I have no choice, it's just not affordable or available to me. Between finishing grad school and looking for work and only finding menial jobs that do not include health benefits, it has been a VERY rough go of things. I am thankful every day that my children are covered, but I try not to think about myself too much. If I get sick, I have to self-medicate. I live in pain every day from a surgery that I had 10 years ago, but I can't seek help for that, so I just try to ignore it.

But deep down, I know the true score. If I should get sick with something life threatening that needs expensive, long-term treatments (i.e. cancer), I will likely either have to lose my house to cover it or I will have to go without and let the illness take me. Those are my options now. And unless something changes... I miraculously land a job with great health care benefits, or our country changes drastically... that will be my fate.

I would just like you all to know now, while I think I am still healthy, that there is a possibility that someday, you may lose a friend... a real person whom you actually know... to the sick state of our health care system today. There are thousands of people who needlessly go untreated and have to die every year, because they cannot afford any other alternative. Think about that when you worry about the possibility of having to wait a little extra to see a doctor due to a "socialized" form of medicine.

And don't sit there so smugly, comfortable in your health care options now, because you never know when those will get yanked away from you, too. All it takes is one major illness that causes you to lose that job with the great health care for you to understand where I, and so many other Americans, are coming from today.

I apologize if that sounds angry at the end. I am, a bit. Which is why I try not to think about my situation... but it angers me when I think of all the people who are losing their insurance coverage and/or dying right now due to inadequate coverage. It hurts my uncovered heart.

Two Out of Three?

Feeling the effects of a couple of days worth of insomnia and strange revelations, I decided to settle in on the couch and take a little nap. I don't usually remember my dreams and, moreover, I don't usually say anything about them to anyone... because they're never interesting at all, except to the dreamer. I'm going to break that rule for a moment, because this dream just left me scratching my head.

In my dream, I decided to take a nap on my couch (yeah, I know... original, right?) and was awakened by a knock at the door. Opening the door, I discovered one of my ex-boyfriends standing there, asking that I take him back. For some reason, I didn't hesitate and said, "You know that I never hold grudges. Of course I will!" I then took him into my arms and thus began a period of excitement, travel, creativity and silly humor.

Then one day, we both decided to take a nap on two separate couches (my brain was stuck in a rut, okay?) and I was awakened by another knock at the door. When I opened my eyes and looked around, my ex-boyfriend was gone from the couch and I just accepted that he was no longer in my life, as if the previous moments before had all been part of my dream (this is all still part of my *actual* dream today, mind you). I went to the door and found that it was yet another ex-boyfriend of mine standing there, looking forlorn, and begging that I take him back.

Feeling full of deja-vu, I repeated what I'd said to the first ex with slightly more incredulity, "You know that I never hold grudges. Of course I will?" Next thing I know, we're in bed together, wrapped up in glorious post-whatever splendor, and he then decides to pull out a pipe and smoke it. And although the pipe was perfectly pleasant and acceptable, he simply felt that the pipe alone was not impressive enough, so he proceeded to stuff a cigar into the pipe bowl and smoke that through the pipe as well. (Uh yeah, calling Dr. Freud.)

Although thoroughly confused by this, I accepted it and thought to myself, "Well, this makes 2 out of 3 exes. Guess I know who's next!" And with that, I decided to leave my lover in the bed and take yet another nap on the couch.

That's when finally I woke up in real life, because a rather large dog had decided to climb on top of me and join my formerly-comfy nap.

Two out of three? Who was I thinking would be the third?

It's been a weird week.

That 15 Movies thing

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen films you've seen that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall -- they don't have to be the best films of all time.

These are my "I watch them every time I see them as I flip channels" movies. <--That's the note that seems to come with this challenge's rules, but personally, this is both my "tv guilty pleasures" and my "dvd comfort foods" ... if that makes any sense.

1. THE APARTMENT - always my go-to on a bad day. My Jack Lemmon crush never fades.
2. SEEMS LIKE OLD TIMES - you wonder how I could have so many dogs? I blame Goldie Hawn.
3. EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED - chokes me up every time. *sniffle*
4. THE THIRD MAN - shadows, canted angles, the theme music, Orson... it just sings to me.
5. ABOUT A BOY - bought in a "cheap" bin on a lark, I just adore this silly movie.
6. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL - so many quotable lines... where do I even begin?
7. STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE and THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK - just feels like home. Duh!
8. FIGHT CLUB - if it's on, I'm watching it and probably reciting lines.
9. ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND - anything written by Charlie Kaufman, really.
10. SINGIN' IN THE RAIN - again, if it's on, I'm watching it... and probably dancing along.
11. PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE - thanks, Mr. Burton. I can't watch BICYCLE THIEVES with a straight face, because of you.
12. WATERSHIP DOWN / THE PLAGUE DOGS - so many moments that molded who I am.
13. THE LAST UNICORN - Rankin/Bass and unicorns?! A child of the 70s dream come true!
14. THE LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy - fantasy dork plus a Viggo crush; I'm always in!
15. WHEN HARRY MET SALLY / SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE / YOU'VE GOT MAIL - busted! I just can't seem to turn the channel, yet I'd never put either in the dvd player, nor did I see them in the theater. Damn you, Nora Ephron!!! My XX chromosomes are somewhat to blame, too.

Raise your flags high... even if they're red

Recently, I returned to an old dating site that I used previously with some success, because I'm a bit of a math dork and it uses some sort of complex algorithm to take a couple thousand questions and compute how well you'd get along with someone else answering those same questions. Before you ask... I'm not really dating, per se -- I don't even have a full profile or picture posted -- but I do like to see how the numbers work themselves out the more questions I answer.

Unlike all those other dating sites, however, the questions aren't written by Dr. Phil or a team of professionals or a guy with a religious agenda. No, these questions are written by the site users themselves. That means that although this website was created by Harvard grads, the questions can range from challengingly philosophical to colorfully moronic. They can also get fairly explicit and/or lowbrow, which probably scares away more squeamish types, who feel safer in eHarmony's "marriage material" criteria.

Last night, I'm looking at the questions that matter to a person fairly high up in my match percentage results and so I decide to get a little more clarity on our match percentage by answering any questions that he's found important and that I have yet to answer. Aside from there being a fairly high portion of sex-related and nudist-related questions, I didn't notice any serious red flags at first. Not even after the following question came up:


Imagine you become involved in a relationship with a someone who has a specific sexual fetish, without which they cannot be satisfied. If the fetish is harmless, but does nothing for you, how enthusiastic would you be about it?
* Very enthusiastic.
* Somewhat enthusiastic.
* Not at all enthusiastic.


I didn't even blink at that one, until I came to the next question along those same lines:


Suppose you're dating someone who seems to have long-term potential. You discover that they want to urinate on you during sex. Would you consider staying with this person?
* Yes.
* No.


Now see, that's the kind of thing that I would need to know in advance. WAY in advance... and not so that I could prepare the rubber sheets, but rather to walk the other direction. I'm all for whatever consenting adults do in the privacy of their own room, lodge, comic book convention, sex club or sound stage, but honestly? If you've got this sort of kink, you need to put that out there early on or else you're going to traumatize some folks.

I kept answering his "questions that matter" and soon it was clear there was a whole nest of these water sports questions...


Knowing that it's sterile if there's no urinary tract infection,would you drink your partner's urine?
* Yes...whenever asked
* Not often,maybe if I got something in return
* I'd have to think about it
* UGH...I AM NOT A TOILET!


If your partner asked you to be their toilet, what would your reaction be?
* Yes, I'll take everything he/she wants me to have
* Yes, but only his/her urine
* Yes, but only his/her poo
* No way dude, that's disgusting


If a potential partner told you that he or she has a urine fetish. Would you satisfy his or her fetish?
* I have that fetish myself!
* Yes
* I'm Not Sure
* No, That's Too Inzane!


You find out that your partner is into watersports (golden showers, urination). You feel:
* Aroused and Eager to Try!
* Worried/Unwilling.
* Okay with it, if he/she is the one being showered.
* Okay with it, only if I'm the one being showered.


Does the idea of using urine sexually, disgust you?
* Yes
* No
* as long as it's not mine!
* only if it's mine!


After I finished responding to and rating the importance of those questions, Mr. Wanna B. Toilet moved from my top 20 down around the top 40 or so. And now I know. Don't make a major purchase without reading the fine print and don't go into a dating site without doing a thorough investigation.

Aren't you married friends glad you're not still dating? For those of you who are intrigued... no, I will not hook you up. Sorry.

*sigh*

50 Bands I've Seen in Concert

You've probably seen these floating around Facebook and wherever... I filled mine out a few weeks back, but figured that by posting it here, it would give more stuff with which you might strike up a conversation. So here goes nuthin'...

*****

OK, here are the rules. Test your memory and your love of live music by listing 50 artists or bands (or as many as you can remember) you’ve seen in concert. List the first 50 acts that come into your head.

1. Tom Waits
2. Unknown Hinson
3. TV on the Radio
4. The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players
6. Jane's Addiction
7. Red Hot Chili Peppers
8. Prince
9. Morris Day and the Time
10. Sheila E.
11. Ready for the World
12. Hoodoo Gurus
13. Guatalcanal Diary
14. Peter Murphy
15. Love & Rockets
16. Midnight Oil
17. Devo
18. Lords of the New Church
19. Gene Loves Jezebel
20. A Flock of Seagulls
21. The Replacements
22. 10,000 Maniacs
23. Til Tuesday
24. Crowded House
25. Drivin' and Cryin'
26. Love Tractor
27. The Swans
28. Cocteau Twins
29. OMD
30. The Psychedelic Furs
31. Book of Love
32. Drive-by Truckers
33. Echo & the Bunnymen
34. The Connells
35. R.E.M.
36. Mice Parade
37. Ministry
38. Nine Inch Nails
39. INXS
40. Mum
41. Smoke
42. Opal Foxx Quartet
43. Public Image Limited
44. Mark Kozelek
45. Sugarcubes
46. Magnapop
47. Ultrababyfat
48. Killing Joke
49. Mazzy Star
50. Rodd Stewart

I know there are many, many more hiding in the dark recesses of my brain, but it hurt to just pull these names out of there. I've probably seen a couple hundred bands live, but they're all tangled up like a sack full of old jewelry. I do like how my brain book-ended it with the last concert that I saw first and the first concert that I saw last.

Most Played

After having this image up for a few weeks, I'm only just
now noticing that it's my ex-husband's birthday. So weird.

So my previous "Shuffle" list of 25 randomly shuffled songs led to me taking a look at my iPod's "Top 25 Most Played" playlist, so this is merely a bonus.

Now, mind you, I bought my old iPod 5 years ago and haven't updated it in maybe 3 or 4 years... and I really haven't even been using it since I stopped going to the gym in 2007, when I was constantly listening to youthful faves to keep me going on the treadmills. I really should update this thing one of these days... it's like a time capsule of sorts.

1. Always for You - The Album Leaf 
2. The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice 
3. On Your Wings - Iron & Wine 
4. The Sound of Settling - Death Cab for Cutie 
5. Oblivious - Aztec Camera 
6. A Forest - The Cure 
7. Holiday in Cambodia - Dead Kennedys 
8. Going Underground - The Jam 
9. Radio Free Europe - R.E.M. 
10. Cinder and Smoke - Iron & Wine 
11. Such Great Heights - Iron & Wine 
12. Teeth in the Grass - Iron & Wine 
13. Evil - Interpol 
14. Wishing the Days Away - Billy Bragg 
15. The Owls Go - Architecture in Helsinki 
16. Tangocide - Accordion Tribe 
17. Always Too Late - Annie 
18. Levi Stubbs' Tears - Billy Bragg 
19. You're for Me - Buck Owens 
20. This Charming Man - The Smiths 
21. Orgasm Addict - Buzzcocks 
22. I Will Dare - The Replacements 
23. Start Wearing Purple - Gogol Bordello 
24. Helpless for Love - Annie 
25. Falling Man - Blonde Redhead 

Archivist's Note: I'm truly amazed that no Tom Waits shows up on the Top 25, seeing as how I have 90% of his discography on there.

It's Shuffle Time, Again

Take your iPod or MP3 player, and put it on shuffle (iTunes on your computer works too). When the music starts playing, list the song and artist that plays in order, numbered 1 thru 25. Be honest and No Skipping...

Notes: I had to use iTunes, because my temperamental old iPod was being "difficult" this evening. All in all, not a bad mix for some cutesy, hipster movie soundtrack. :)

1. Precious Thing - Big Black
2. Get It - Zombie Nation
3. Flume - Bon Iver
4. Slow Swords - Deer Hunter
5. Service Bell - Grizzly Bear & Feist
6. Mimizan - Beirut
7. Cannibal Resource - Dirty Projectors
8. Blind - Hercules & Love Affair
9. And She Would Darken the Memory - The Twilight Sad
10. Moon and Moon - Bat for Lashes
11. Hearts on Fire - Cut Copy
12. Totally Freaked Out - Betty Serveert
13. When I Grow Up - Fever Ray
14. Get Innocuous - LCD Soundsystem
15. Rabbit Habits - Man Man
16. Tiger Mountain Peasant Song - Fleet Foxes
17. Teen Creeps - No Age
18. Red Moon - The Walkmen
19. Golden Age - TV on the Radio
20. Clorox Girls - Redd Kross
21. Machine Gun - Portishead
22. Live Fast, Die Strong - King Khan & the Shrines
23. Black Map - We vs. Death
24. My Girls - Animal Collective
25. Heart Sweats - Japandroids