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Thursday, November 17, 2005

Yeah. A Bit.

So I was at the bank today, talking to the guy working at the info desk about my account issues, when right in the middle of what I'm saying to him, he stops me and says "Does anyone ever tell you that you look like someone? Because you remind me so much of that really funny chick who does the news on Saturday Night Live."

"Tina Fey," I say, nodding.

"Yeah, her! She's hilarious. You must get that a lot."

"Yeah. A bit."

The odd part was that I was sobbing at the time (as I usually am at the bank), pleading for him to have mercy on my soul, and apparently it was then that the guy was reminded of the hilarity of SNL.

"A new poll shows that 66 percent of Americans think President Bush is doing a poor job of handling the war in Iraq. And the remaining 34 percent think Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church." --TF, SNL, 10.29.05

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

What Did I Eat for Lunch Today?

How nice of you to ask!

1 can of Norwegian sardines in olive oil

1 bowl of banana bread flavored oatmeal

2 large tutti-fruity flavored marshmallows

5 large gulps of blueberry-pomegranate juice


Why am I bringing this up?

Because every time I burp,

which I'm doing a lot of,

I'm reminded of the combo.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Owattador Kiyam

Okay, so some of my blogger friends were posting this a while ago and I'm just now getting around to reading it... been a bit distracted. The subject of their blogging was: the Science Fiction Film Canon, based on the reviews of a guy named John Scalzi. Apparently he's been a film reviewer for the last 15 years and he wrote a book called The Rough Guide to Sci-Fi Movies. This, in his opinion, is THE canon... or in his description of these titles: "the 50 science fiction films you have to see before you die."

My friends decided to mark the titles they had already seen with bold fonts and leave the ones they hadn't seen in plain italics. I've followed suit and these are my results:

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension!
Akira
Alien
Aliens
Alphaville
Back to the Future
Blade Runner
Brazil
Bride of Frankenstein
Brother From Another Planet
A Clockwork Orange
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Contact
The Damned
Destination Moon
The Day The Earth Stood Still
Delicatessen
Escape From New York
ET: The Extraterrestrial
Flash Gordon: Space Soldiers (serial)
The Fly (1985 version)
Forbidden Planet
Ghost in the Shell
Gojira/Godzilla
The Incredibles
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956 version)
Jurassic Park
Mad Max 2/The Road Warrior
The Matrix
Metropolis
On the Beach
Planet of the Apes (1968 version)
Robocop
Sleeper
Solaris (1972 version)
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
The Stepford Wives
Superman
Terminator 2: Judgement Day
The Thing From Another World
Things to Come
Tron
12 Monkeys
28 Days Later
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
2001: A Space Odyssey
La Voyage Dans la Lune
War of the Worlds (1953 version)

Are you seeing what I'm seeing? If you are, then you'd be looking at the movie watching habits of a woman who may very well have never had sex in her nearly 35 years of life. EVER. In fact, if I didn't have the 3 kids, I'd be highly suspicious of my own accounts.

That's by no means ALL of the sci-fi flicks that I've seen. Hells no. This list is but the tip of the cyber iceberg. For all I know now, I've really never had sex and have made it all up as a cover for the small androids I've created out of hundreds of latex condoms (tossing the packaging around to look as if I've seen action) and spare Commodore 64 parts that I've been saving over the years. Or maybe I'm just a human version of a tribble. They are born pregnant, after all.

I've said enough. Time to go feed the unicorn. (Is that a new euphemism?)

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