Letting the Right One In

Several months ago, I began reading Abraham-Hicks Law of Attraction books on the Art of Allowing and discovered one particular tome that offered practical exercises to help you focus your ability to attract what you really want.

One exercise involved filling a box with cut-outs from magazines and wherever of all the things that make your heart sing. On the box, you write: "Whatever is contained in this box... IS!" As you place the items in the box, you say aloud that statement with the same enthusiasm with which that item fills you. Another exercise involved attracting a mate by writing a list of all of the attributes that bring you love, joy and attraction with a partner.

I decided that I liked both of these exercises and so, late one night in June, I wrote my list and placed it in an envelope that boldly reads "Abundance is flowing into my life!!!" Then I wedged that envelope carefully into the lid of the box, so that I could see those words every time I opened the lid.

Although I wasn't sure if it would work, I did like the feeling that the box gave me. It has been sitting in my bedroom for around 5 months now. I give it a pat from time to time as I pass by; sometimes I pause to lift the lid just to peek inside, speak those magic words aloud again, and smile. I haven't revisited that list in these past months, however... until now.

I am not posting this as a way of saying, "See! It worked," because I am indeed still single. Rather, I'm posting in a moment of delicious-feeling vibes and bountiful optimism about the future. And since this is essentially my digital scrapbook, what better way to capture this moment than to revisit the list.

I can't explain any of the reasons behind any of the descriptors, except to say that they were coming from personal experiences and memories of contrast in previous relationships, which caused me to desire these qualities in a mate... and in myself, as well. This is not for anyone's amusement, but if it makes you laugh, that's fine by me. Laughter is good medicine and I whole-heartedly welcome it.

06/10/10 @ 1:35 AM

The Right Man for Me...

• Has had many life experiences to make him well-rounded.
• Has to have his own healthy sense of spirituality that does not conflict with mine.
• Has to have a healthy sense of self that he has spent/is actively spending time getting to know, to allow and evolve. 
• Has to love animals, especially dogs, and should preferably even own a dog or two. 
• Has to respect what it means for me to be a parent; would help if he were one, too. 
• Has to have a desire for living a healthier life and is already working on that himself. 
• Has to already believe in meditation and has his own practice, while still being masculine. 
• Has to have a good sense of humor that matches my own, ability to laugh at the absurd. 
• Has to be seeking joy in his daily life. 
• Has to love nature and know its healing effects. 
• Has to have a good overlapping love of music and movies with me. 
• Has to understand why science & art are both important, and a desire to explore & create. 
• Has to be a little more emotional than me and allow me to be more grounding. 
• Has to be good at fixing things, or good at gardening, or cooking, or all of the above. 
• Has to love only me with all of his heart & being, and has to respect me with all of his soul. 
• Has to enjoy sex as much as I do and has to have similar, matching desires to mine. 
• Has to be intelligent and enjoy reading and/or researching new ideas. 
• Has to have curiosity about the world. 
• Has to also have compassion for others. 
• Has to have Liberal ideals and getting more Liberal (politically) all the time.
• Has to understand when I need some alone time; has healthy boundaries. 
• Has to also love doing things with me the rest of the time. 
• Has to be able to talk about or write about his feelings and know the importance of overcoming differences and focusing on the similarities/common ground. 
• Has to help me realize my greatest potential and I help him realize his; together, we are each greater than we are apart.
• Has found his connection with Source and his Higher-Self, and knows how to step in and out of the Vortex whenever he sees fit ... and knows how fun it is! 

ended @ 2:20 AM

Out with the old...

I don't know about you guys, but for me at least, 10/10/10 has represented a final clearing away of old mental debris. I've been deleting old emails, clearing away "second brain" clutter (i.e. old computer files), and ridding myself of connections to sites that no longer suit me.

For the last decade, one of those bits of debris has been online dating sites. Now, I hadn't been using my last online dating profile all year after putting it into hibernation back in January, but I did log in there about 2 weeks ago just to see where my mind was when I created the profile last year.

After satisfying my curiosity, I put the account into hibernation again, wanting to preserve the profile as a "just in case" sort of thing, since I'd put so may hours into it. I mean, I had answered every one of their matching questions... all 4,000+ of them! Not to mention taking something like 250 quizzes on there, which were an even cutesier way of comparing yourself with a possible match.

Today, none of that mattered anymore. I took a deep breath and deleted that profile for good! Yay me! That said, I did still feel the need to encapsulate some of it here in the same spirit that all of my blog entries are written: as a scrapbook, perhaps to revisit some day when I'm older and wiser.

I know many of my coupled friends have been curious about how I might be representing myself online and why I'd received so many bizarre responses, some of which became blog fodder. Well, here ya go, folks. Here's the old online dating me in all my glory (sans any matching personal stats, questions, pictures, quiz results, journal entries, etc):

My Self-Summary:

What you see before you is just your typical left-handed, domestically challenged, terminally clumsy, easily amused, fashionably clueless, simultaneously dark and bright, former pinball/pool/piano prodigy.

But mostly I'm all Labrador Retriever.

So if dog is your co-pilot, too, let me begin by saying: the pilot has turned on the "no smoking" sign and we now ask that you return all seats and tray tables to their upright and locked positions, and safely store all baggage in the overhead compartments. You are allowed a small carry-on to keep with you. If you wish to retrieve any items from your stowed baggage, please do not hesitate to ask for some assistance. Struggling with it yourself could cause harm to your neighbors and loved ones. It is at this time we ask that you kindly turn off all electronic devices before take-off. Once we are airborne, there will be appropriate times to resume use of your devices, but please be considerate of the other passengers.

Thank you for flying and enjoy your stay.

What you see before you is just your typical left-handed, domestically challenged, terminally clumsy, easily amused, fashionably clueless, simultaneously dark and bright, former pinball/pool/piano prodigy. But mostly I'm all Labrador Retriever. So if dog is your co-pilot, too, let me begin by saying: the pilot has turned on the "no smoking" sign and we now ask that you return all seats and tray tables to their upright and locked positions, and safely store all baggage in the overhead compartments. You are allowed a small carry-on to keep with you. If you wish to retrieve any items from your stowed baggage, please do not hesitate to ask for some assistance. Struggling with it yourself could cause harm to your neighbors and loved ones. It is at this time we ask that you kindly turn off all electronic devices before take-off. Once we are airborne, there will be appropriate times to resume use of your devices, but please be considerate of the other passengers. Thank you for flying and enjoy your sWhat I’m doing with my life:

At the moment, it appears that I'm on a quest to answer every last silly matching question just to see if I can find the magic behind the numbers. Less than 500 to go! I think they give you a pony if you make it to the end! Or maybe that's just my fevered, question-overload delirium talking.

UPDATE - 8/22/09 - 1:47AM: "You've answered every active question in our database. Wow." ...I did it! There'll be a pony at the door any day now! Stay tuned!

UPDATE - 8/24/09 - 6:24AM: No sign of the pony yet, but I'm still hopeful! It was the weekend, after all. Very excited!

UPDATE - 8/26/09 - 7:19AM: Still no pony, but spirits are still high. They probably have to drive it to you, right?

UPDATE - 8/29/09 - 5:40AM: Picking out a cute little cart for the pony. Still all a-tingle and waiting patiently...

UPDATE - 9/3/09 - 11:38AM: Please tell me there is a pony. Give me a sign! Tell me that I am not forsaken, oh great Sky Cake! *sigh*

I’m really good at:

I used to think that I was really good at attracting men with addictive personalities, because I'm such a compassionate person. However, I am beginning to think that I may have an addictING personality and it just goes with the territory. I'm not normally this quick to toot my own horn, but I do like to try to see the glass half-full.

Now, I'm really good at spotting the bad matches and listening to my gut. It's always right, regardless of how high my mental IQ is. Why fight it? I'm discovering how nice it is to not have to struggle upstream anymore and just go with the flow, baby.

Edited by

I'm also really good at video editing, but the cupboard has been a bit bare (to say the least) in recent years. Friends keep urging me to write a book and one of these days I just might do that. (Hear that ex-boyfriends? You've been warned!)

Dating hijinx aside, I've also been referred to as "the voice of reason" or some equivalent more times than I can recall. So I suppose that's another thing.

There's a lot more that I'm good at, but it's more fun for those things to reveal themselves in time.

The first things people usually notice about me:

Glasses? Eyes? Hair? Curves?

But if they're really observant, they'll notice that I'm so much more than the sum of my parts.

Edited by

I used to think that I was really good at attracting men with addictive personalities, because I'm such a compassionate person. Now, however, I am beginning to think that I may have an addictING personality and it just goes with the territory. I'm not normally this quick to toot my own horn, but I do like to try to see the glass [[half-full]]. Now, I'm really good at spotting the bad matches and listening to my gut. It's always right, regardless of how high my mental IQ is. Why fight it? I'm discovering how nice it is to not have to struggle upstream anymore and just [[go with the flow]], baby. I'm also really good at [[video editing]], but the cupboard has been a bit bare (to say the least) in recent years. Friends keep urging me to [[write a book]] and one of these days I just might do that (hear that ex-boyfriends? you've been warned!). Dating hijinx aside, I've been referred to as "the voice of reason" or some equivalent more times than I can recall. There's a lot more that I'm good at, but it's more fun for those things to reveal themselves in time.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food:

BOOKS:
My all time favorite book is Moby-Dick and if you can quote lines to me from it, it's better than poetry. I most recently read BONK: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, by Mary Roach, the same woman who wrote STIFF and SPOOK. I find her ease of conveying a subject to be both delightful and incredibly informative. I would recommend that, along with another recent (albeit begrudging) read, Eat Pray Love, which had been suggested to me repeatedly and I had avoided it for that very reason, because I simply do not buy into hype machines. I have to say, however, it was so eye opening and life changing. I've also been trying to finish 2012: The Return of Quetzacoatl for a dog's age now, but all he keeps talking about are his drug trips. Give me aliens or parallel universes or something! Maybe I'll finish it before the year actually gets here :)

MOVIES:
My all-time favorite film is The Apartment (1960) and the rest of that list of film favorites could go on for ages, including a lot of things you've never heard of or seen, but if you're interested, I'll gladly share them with you... maybe when we start to get to know each other. If you can introduce me to gems that I never knew existed, all the better. Although not really representative of my faves, per se, you can see a list of my guilty pleasures that will grab me every time.

While we're on this subject of movies, don't buy into the hype you've heard from anyone else: I watch more documentaries than anyone you've ever met, bar none. I also catch a good deal of fiction films, too. As far as recent 2009 releases go, (500) Days of Summer was a clever little flick. I also enjoyed District 9 and Inglourious Basterds (despite usually despising Tarantino). Zombieland was just "meh," while I was rather disappointed with Where the Wild Things Are (despite usually adoring Spike Jonze). I did, however, love-love-LOVE Wes Anderson's brilliant take on The Fantastic Mr. Fox (this is in alignment with me tending to favor Wes's movies in general and my love of stop-motion animation). Now I'm looking forward to The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Terry Gilliam deserves another hit to clear up his less-than-stellar streak.

TV:
I don't watch much on my actual television these days, because I prefer to stream shows online... but I am a sucker for anything PBS produces (NOVA Science NOW, anyone?) and I do believe that 30 Rock is sheer genius. (And not just because I get the Tina Fey comparison from time to time.) I also seem to be digging Community.

Thanks to a friend's advice, I recently gave Doctor Who a try and it hooked me immediately. I've since watched every episode and even finished off its spin-off, Torchwood. I also love Dexter, Mad Men, The Mighty Boosh, Men of a Certain Age, Breaking Bad and I've even been fairly entertained by True Blood (except for this past season, blech). Now adding Bored to Death to the mix. Also, I'll admit to having a weak spot for the T.A.P.S. guys of Ghost Hunters. Not bad for a girl who doesn't believe in having cable. If I like you, I might eventually share my secret streaming sites with you!

MUSIC:
Tom Waits has my heart and always will, but if you can accept playing second fiddle to him, then we're good. And if you literally do play second fiddle to him, call me! Now!

I listen to mostly college radio fare... y'know, the stuff that Pitchfork gives a 7.0 or higher kind of stuff. That sounds trite, doesn't it? Yeah. My radio seems to either be on WABE for Classical/NPR/PRI, or it's on Album 88. If I'm at home in front of the computer, I'll try to turn on WFMU for the sheer variety of it. See my list of 50 bands that I've seen live, if you want even more insight.

FOOD:

Generally, I prefer Asian food to any other, and in particular just give me a great big bowl of Pho and I'll be happy. I'm also digging these dried veggies that I'm snacking on right now. Voortman's Dark Chocolate Omega 3 Flax Seed cookies don't seem like they'd be tasty, but they really are! My food choices have done a 180 this summer and mostly I'm loving only healthy stuff.

ETC:
I should also add here that I'm one of those wackos who actually loves to attend lectures. It's like being in a classroom all over again (eternal student disease, yes). I won't even get into the list of people whom I've gone out of my way to see give a lecture. I'm probably the only girl I know who only turns into a fan girl when I'm in the presence of some theoretician that I admire. "Will you please sign my first edition of 'Narration in the Fiction Film,' Mr. Bordwell?" (I'm not even kidding in the least about having uttered that before.) And for this reason, I absolutely adore the TED conferences online. If you don't know about the wonderfulness of which I speak, Google "TED: Ideas Worth Spreading" to see what you're missing.

Don't buy into the hype you've heard from anyone else: I watch more documentaries than anyone you've ever met, bar none. I also catch a good deal of fiction films, too. As far as recent releases go, [[(500) Days of Summer]] was a clever little flick. I also enjoyed [[District 9]] and [[Inglourious Basterds]] (despite usually despising Tarantino). Zombieland was just "meh," while I was rather disappointed with Where the Wild Things Are (despite usually adoring Spike Jonze). I did, however, love-love-LOVE Wes Anderson's brilliant take on [[The Fantastic Mr. Fox]] (this is in alignment with me tending to favor Wes's movies in general and my love of stop-motion animation). Now I'm looking forward to [[The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus]]. Terry Gilliam deserves another hit to clear up his less-than-stellar streak. My all-time favorite film is [[The Apartment]] (1960) and the rest of that list of film favorites could go on for ages, including a lot of things you've never heard of or seen, but if you're interested, I'll gladly share them with you... maybe when we start to get to know each other. If you can introduce me to gems that I never knew existed, all the better. Although not really representative of my faves, per se, you can see a list of my "15 Guilty Pleasures" that will grab me every time, which is posted in my Journal section. I don't watch much television, aside from the stuff that I stream online, but I am a sucker for anything [[PBS]] produces ([[NOVA Science NOW]], anyone?) and I do believe that [[30 Rock]] is sheer genius. (And not just because I get the [[Tina Fey]] comparison from time to time.) I also seem to be digging [[Community]]. Thanks to a friend's advice, I recently gave [[Doctor Who]] a try and it hooked me immediately. I've since watched every episode and even finished off its spin-off, [[Torchwood]]. I also love [[Dexter]], [[Mad Men]], [[The Mighty Boosh]], [[Breaking Bad]] and I've even been fairly entertained by [[True Blood]] (except for this past season, blech). Now adding [[Bored to Death]] to the mix. Also, I'll admit to having a weak spot for the T.A.P.S. guys of [[Ghost Hunters]]. Not bad for a girl who doesn't believe in having cable. If I like you, I might eventually share my secret streaming sites with you! My all time favorite book is [[Moby-Dick]] and if you can quote lines to me from it, it's better than poetry. I most recently read [[BONK]]: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, by Mary Roach, the same woman who wrote STIFF and SPOOK. I find her ease of conveying a subject to be both delightful and incredibly informative. I would recommend that, along with another recent (albeit begrudging) read, [[Eat Pray Love]], which had been suggested to me repeatedly and I had avoided it for that very reason, because I simply do not buy into hype machines. I have to say, however, it was so eye opening and life changing. I've also been trying to finish [[2012: The Return of Quetzacoatl]] for a dog's age now, but all he keeps talking about are his drug trips. Give me aliens or parallel universes or something! Maybe I'll finish it before the year actually gets here :) Generally, I prefer Asian food to any other, and in particular just give me a great big bowl of [[Pho]] and I'll be happy. I'm also digging these dried veggies that I'm snacking on right now. Voortman's Dark Chocolate Omega 3 Flax Seed cookies don't seem like they'd be tasty, but they really are! My food choices have done a 180 this summer and I'm loving mostly only healthy stuff. [[Tom Waits]] has my heart and always will, but if you can accept playing second fiddle to him, then we're good. And if you literally do play second fiddle to him, call me! Now! I listen to mostly [[college radio]] fare... y'know, the stuff that [[Pitchfork]] gives a 7.0 or higher kind of stuff. That sounds trite, doesn't it? Yeah. My radio seems to either be on [[WABE]] for Classical tunes and [[NPR]]/[[PRI]], or it's on [[Album 88]]. If I'm at home in front of the computer, I'll try to turn on [[WFMU]] for the sheer variety of it. Again, see my Journal posts for a list of 50 bands that I've seen live, if you want more insight. Also, thanks to my pal <<grownupunk>>, I now have an addiction to [[the61]]: www.thesixtyone.com/theshecreature I should also add here that I'm one of those wackos who actually loves to attend [[lectures]]. It's like being in a classroom all over again (eternal student disease, yes). I won't even get into the list of people whom I've gone out of my way to see give a lecture. I'm probably the only girl I know who only turns into a fan girl when I'm in the presence of some [[theoretician]] that I admire. "Will you please sign my first edition of 'Narration in the Fiction Film,' Mr. Bordwell?" (I'm not even kidding in the least about having uttered that before.) And for this reason, I absolutely adore the [[TED]] conferences online. If you don't know about the wonderfulness of which I speak, Google "TED: Ideas Worth Spreading" to see what you're missing, or just look at a few that I've posted in my journalsThe six things I could never do without:

Creativity
Compassion
Connection
Intellect
Humor
Dogs

If you have your mobile device or texting in this section, please just cross me off your list of hopeful matches right now. kthnxbai!!!1!

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

...dropping this whole online dating thing entirely.

Not because I've found "the one" and not that I'm having zero luck either, because that's never been an issue. I'm just not having the kind of experience that I'd like to have, which just leaves me not wanting to bother.

Does anyone remember the days when you'd meet someone in real life (y'know: "IRL") and feel butterflies, then let that cool feeling grow slowly over time as you realize the more you see that person, the more you keep thinking about them when they're not around; and then one day you both realize that you've been flirting long enough and one of you asks the other out, then fun, magical things happen from there? Do you remember those days? You don't? Yeah, me neither.

I've been using the digital stud service on-and-off for a decade now and it's never felt very meaningful. I want my "how we met story" to have meaning and feel natural. I no longer want more of the same old, same old: "We pick each other out of a huge line-up, where we hedge our bets by having other similar hotties lined up to fit the bill, too. We compare a list of favorites, including our preferred sexual practices, then agree to meet in person, where we size each other up and compare more favorites, while trying to decide if the other person meets with our approval (or until we've had enough drinks to not care if they didn't quite live up to our expectations), before we get naked and play a little 'slap -n- tickle' in some sort of performance test-drive." I'm tired of feeling like I have to prepare for a new date the same way you prepare for a job interview or go on a used car search.

No offense to those of you who love the digital stud service, but I think it's time to put myself out to pasture... to let my love life "go green" and let nature take its course.

I also think a lot about robots.

Edited by

Why do they still even have this section? My "never withouts" include: [[Creativity]] [[Compassion]] [[Connection]] [[Intellect]] [[Humor]] [[Dogs]] If you have your mobile device or texting in this section, please just cross me off your list of hopeful matches right now. kthnxbai!!!1!

On a typical Friday night I am:

I don't know. Do most people have a "typical Friday night" thing to do? Tell me about it... Do you bowl? Trivia? Catch up on your TiVo? Consume as much alcohol as possible to forget how much you hate your 9-to-5? You probably wouldn't admit that last one.

Generally, you can find me at home. Or just maybe you might find me at the movies or the drive-in. Possibly, I'm catching a band or out to eat with friends. I'd rather be cuddled up with a cute boy.

Edited by

...dropping this whole online dating thing entirely. Not because I've found "the one" and not that I'm having zero luck either, because that's never been an issue. I'm just not having the kind of experience that I'd like to have, which just leaves me not wanting to bother. Does anyone remember the days when you'd meet someone in real life (y'know: "IRL") and feel butterflies, then let that cool feeling grow slowly over time as you realize the more you see that person, the more you keep thinking about them when they're not around; and then one day you both realize that you've been flirting long enough and one of you asks the other out, then fun, magical things happen from there? Do you remember those days? You don't? Yeah, me neither. I've been using the digital stud service on-and-off for a decade now and it's never felt very meaningful. I want my "how we met story" to have meaning and feel natural. I no longer want more of the same old, same old: "We pick each other out of a huge line-up, where we hedge our bets by having other similar hotties lined up to fit the bill, too. We compare a list of favorites, including our preferred sexual practices, then agree to meet in person, where we size each other up and compare more favorites, while trying to decide if the other person meets with our approval (or until we've had enough drinks to not care if they didn't quite live up to our expectations), before we get naked and play a little 'slap -n- tickle' in some sort of performance test-drive." I'm tired of feeling like I have to prepare for a new date the same way you prepare for a job interview or go on a used car search. No offense to those of you who love the online stud service, but I think it's time to put myself out to pasture... to let my love life "go green" and let nature take its course. I also think a lot about robots.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit: 

This isn't very private, but it's relative...

Back when I first filled out a dating profile, in the early days of online dating -- long before social networking or virtual reality sites, when unicorns and dinosaurs frolicked together -- I once put up an ad looking for someone who'd like to join me in becoming the first couple to meet online and get married online, before ever meeting in person. Sadly, no one took me up on that offer. Some people just lack a sense of adventure, I guess!

Honestly, I'm surprised that people still manage to find a match and get married in real life anymore, what with all the computer, media, consumer distractions everywhere!

Edited by

I don't know. Do most people have a "typical Friday night" thing to do? Tell me about it... Do you bowl? Trivia? Catch up on your TiVo? Consume as much alcohol as possible to forget how much you hate your 9-to-5? You probably wouldn't admit that last one. Generally, you can find me at home. Or just maybe you might find me at the movies or the drive-in. Possibly, I'm catching a band or out to eat with friends. I'd rather be cuddled up with a cute boy.

This isn't very private, but it's relative... Back when I first filled out a dating profile, in the early days of online dating -- long before social networking or virtual reality sites, when unicorns and dinosaurs frolicked together -- I once put up an ad looking for someone who'd like to join me in becoming the first couple to meet online and get married online, before ever meeting in person. Sadly, no one took me up on that offer. Some people just lack a sense of adventure, I guess! Now, I'm just surprised that people still can manage to find a match and get married in real life anymore, what with all the computer, media, consumer distractions everywhereYou should message me if:

Still want more? OK, let's talk about you!

You enjoy museums, bookstores, libraries, art house theaters, documentaries, travel, spiritual seeking (without a religious label) and/or geek girls with glasses and really big... brains.

You go out of your way to try/research/discover new things and possibly have an appreciation for the bizarre, novel or quirky.

You have an intellectual curiosity about the world around you.

You have a healthy understanding of your own emotional, physical and spiritual boundaries; thus, you're quite capable of recognizing and respecting them in others, too.

Your wild years are behind you, but your youthful outlook isn't.

You're loyal, compassionate and come from a spiritually/psychologically/physically healthy perspective.

You understand the value of solitude and stillness.

You can identify with this Orson Welles quote: "I passionately hate the idea of being with it; I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time."

You do not see Socialism as something to be feared.

You love animals. I'm not Vegan, not even Veggie yet (although I was at one time), so I can tolerate it just fine if you also love the taste of them. But I am hopeful to finally meet someone who believes in rescue, adoption and anti-cruelty to the core of you.

You dig new energy, going green and progressive thinking.

You drive a Smart Car. They're adorable and I really want to ride in one. It's not a prereq, however... it's just gravy.

Speaking of gravy, I have a thing for guys who are good with their hands. Does that sounds dirty? I mean to say I dig guys who can fix things -- cars, houses, gardens, spines, etc. Not all guys who can fix things; just the smart, cute ones.

Or, you've ever been able to relate to this video: