Writer’s Block

Last Wednesday night, I couldn't sleep. I was frustrated... VERY frustrated. And I was in pain. But I really couldn't blog about either, because both had to do with a certain someone whom I'd been dating for about 11 weeks. You may have seen him in my top friends spot (he's not there now, so don't confuse Cully for this person, please! he's since been moved out.) I had a literal pain in my neck from the figurative pain in my neck, whom I'd been dating. I really shouldn't kiss and tell, but why should I stop now?

I gotta say, with the exception of one rendezvous where he left me covered in purple bruises and looking like I'd just wrestled an octopus, there was nothing to report... and I mean NOTHING to report... at all... in 11 weeks. And the last time he'd stayed here, about 2 weeks ago, all he did was snore and jump and twitch and fart all night, relegating me to the couch to try to get any sleep at all, which left me with a seriously crimped neck, which progressively got worse, like a slipped disc or something, leaving me walking around with my head tilted to my shoulder. And did he ever so much as help out with a massage of any kind. No. He was an all-around impotent, inexperienced, and ineffectual guy, you could say.

Anyway, I'm not one to keep my preferred readers in the dark for too long, so I thought I'd finally post this entry from last week, which I'd placed on OKCupid instead, because I didn't want him getting a notification before I'd broken things off and had to hear him whimper about not being able to read my blog... because he tends to cry at the drop of a hat. I've finally chosen to drop the axe, however, and free myself from any more nights sleeping with five of the seven dwarfs: farty, twitchy, snorey, jumpy, and sadsack.

Yeah, I know I'm terrible. I'm also still extremely cranky from not getting any for all these weeks and still quite crimped up, so cut me some slack, yous guys.


Why I'm still up... Aug 23 4:08am

I get asked that question quite often by people who are usually up at this same hour, but with the excuse of "I couldn't sleep, but why are you up?"

Well, if I could sleep, do you think I'd be up? No.

Tonight I tried and tried to sleep, but there's been a pinched nerve in my neck/upper back for about 2 weeks now, so no position was comfortable. Plus, I found myself really wanting to drive to an all-night convenience store to buy some Reese's Peanutbutter Cups and a pack of Marlboro Lights (I don't smoke anymore, but I couldn't shake that thought). So instead of taking my life into my hands with the purchase idea, or taking a Tylenol PM that might leave me groggy all the next day, I opted for another plan.

FRESH BAKED COOKIES!

Yes, at 3am.

I've done this before, but usually I can distract myself with something more productive (and less filling). But there are times when I just cannot resist the calling. Like tonight.

So the real question should be, "why cookies at this hour?"

The answer is simple. I'm sublimating. What I really want is sex. Of course, any glimpse into the tests I've taken should quickly reveal an on-going theme.

The problem stems from an extended period... nearly a year now... of settling for less than my libido would desire... a LOT less. Like the 7-month relationship with a developmentally-arrested perpetual 12-year-old who preferred comic books to sex, followed by 2 months of attempting to be celibate, followed by another much briefer dating relationship with a man who takes enough anti-depressants to kill a horse's libido and apparently less knowledge than a boy half his age (I met him on here, and if he reads this... sorry! At least I'm not identifying you!).

Anyway, after 2+ months of nothing at all with that and very little with the other, I'm about to jump out of my skin. I've even come close to calling in a stunt cock.

No, I'm not soliciting. Please don't offer. I'd prefer a real relationship.

The only similarity between those two men is that they're both Pisces men, born in 1970, and went to high school in the Bronx. Maybe something was put in the water in the 80s there?

It seriously makes me want to reconsider the many offers that have been made by guys in their early 20s. I think that they've learned what guys in their mid-30s have forgotten: women 35-45 have RAGING hormones! Seriously. We're the equivalent of what you boys were at 17... you remember how bad that was, don't you? Now think about that combined with all the sexual mastery and know-how that an additional 20+ years can bring. I'm like a deadly weapon.

So here I sit, surfing pictures of cute guys, which only makes it worse... forget about porn, because that is just too painful to watch. And toys or self-pleasure only go so far when you're craving the heat and sweat and passion of the real deal.

I also have too much self-esteem to troll the "intimate encounters" sites. That's like Darwin's Waiting Room in those places.

So I've polished off half of the dozen cookies that I baked. I don't even know how long that tube of dough had been in my fridge, because the expiration date was for March 2007. Wait -- March? Well, I'll be damned! Even my sublimation is a Pisces.

No, I'm not really into Astrology... I'm just searching for connections while riding a sugar high and still horny as hell in the middle of the night. Give me a break.

Anyone else in the same boat want the other 6 sugar cookies? I can't say they "hit the spot," but they weren't terrible either.