Tonight I had to help Malachi print out an assignment, which happened to be a letter to a fictitious student named "Fred" who just started his first year of middle school somewhere else. I guess teachers have stopped caring about having kids make real penpals in far away places, since those dicks rarely write back (yeah, I'm talking to YOU, Jagriti Chattergee... 25 years later and I'm STILL waiting).
He did just fine on the assignment and the body of the letter contained the usual pablum about teachers and fun things at his new school. What confused me, however, was how he signed it:
Yours truly,
Vince Ryan
I looked at the assignment sheet, which very carefully detailed the layout of a proper personal letter and also contained the fictitious addressee's information. Yet in all of that, nowhere on that sheet was the name of a fictitious writer.
So I asked, "Who's Vince Ryan?"
Staring rather embarrassed back at me, Malachi sheepishly replied, "Um, th-that's me. Yep."
"Malachi... were you supposed to make up a character for this assignment?"
"Nope, that's what Ms. F calls me."
"Hang on... what?!"
"She calls me Vince, so do a few of my friends."
That's when I had a flashback of something strangely similar that I went through two years ago when Aidan had her class, and he'd come home announcing that he told his Language Arts teacher that his nickname was "A.J." because those are his initials and some other kids had names like "D.J." or "J.T." ... and then I had to explain to Aidan that nicknames are what parents call a kid at home, and those other kids were combining their first and middle initials, which wouldn't work for him, as his are "A.T.," and so I had him go back the next day and straighten things out with his teacher.
So I asked Malachi, "Did Ms. F ask you on the first day of classes if there was a nickname that you'd rather go by?"
"Yes, and my friends wanted me to have a name that sounded like it would go with playing the violin, so they chose Vince... I added the Ryan part."
Having a good laugh, I said, "But your name doesn't have ANY of those names in it. If your name was Christopher, your nickname would be Chris. Or if you and your dad had the same name, yours might be a little different so things wouldn't be confusing at home. There isn't even a Vince or a Ryan in our whole family, and unless you have another personality or an acting career that I don't know about, you need to stop telling people to call you this. Now do any of your other teachers call you Vince?"
"No, just Ms. F."
"Has she been calling you that since the first day of school? Like when you raise your hand, she says 'Yes, Vince?'"
"Maybe."
That did it for me. Aside from the fits of giggles and then running upstairs to tell his brother and sister of these shenanigans and share the laughs with them, I finally calmed down enough to fire off an email to the unwitting teacher.
Hi there, Ms. F--
This is Malachi's mom and I just learned something kind of funny that I needed to clear up with you.
Apparently on the first day when you asked if anyone went by a nickname that they'd rather be called, Malachi thought he could give you any other name -- sort of like your class was a role playing game. When I saw his letter just now and asked if the signature of the letter ("Vince") was part of the assignment, that's when he told me that's what you call him and what he goes by in your class. I had to explain to him what nicknames actually are in real life, because he seems to just be going by this made up name in your class only. He says some of his friends call him this, but honestly, this is the first time that any of us here have heard of it. He goes by Malachi by me, his dad, his siblings, and all friends who call this house. I'm sorry if he's confused you. I just thought I should clear it up and hopefully you'd get a bit of a chuckle out of it as well!
--S
P.S. You also know me as Aidan's mom, but of course in this case, the two identities are appropriate!
This is what happens when kids grow up with role playing games and believing it's okay to create a new identity for yourself at the slightest suggestion. Of course, I really shouldn't be surprised. This is the same child who told everyone that his real family was from Mars from the time he could talk until about age 4... described life there in great detail, too, including how the gravity squished everyone's bodies into an apple shape and how they would bounce and roll around there, later adding that they were originally from Jupiter, but had moved to Mars shortly after he was born.
He still gets embarrassed when I tell people that story. I can't wait to meet his first girlfriend!
He did just fine on the assignment and the body of the letter contained the usual pablum about teachers and fun things at his new school. What confused me, however, was how he signed it:
Vince Ryan
I looked at the assignment sheet, which very carefully detailed the layout of a proper personal letter and also contained the fictitious addressee's information. Yet in all of that, nowhere on that sheet was the name of a fictitious writer.
So I asked, "Who's Vince Ryan?"
Staring rather embarrassed back at me, Malachi sheepishly replied, "Um, th-that's me. Yep."
"Malachi... were you supposed to make up a character for this assignment?"
"Nope, that's what Ms. F calls me."
"Hang on... what?!"
"She calls me Vince, so do a few of my friends."
That's when I had a flashback of something strangely similar that I went through two years ago when Aidan had her class, and he'd come home announcing that he told his Language Arts teacher that his nickname was "A.J." because those are his initials and some other kids had names like "D.J." or "J.T." ... and then I had to explain to Aidan that nicknames are what parents call a kid at home, and those other kids were combining their first and middle initials, which wouldn't work for him, as his are "A.T.," and so I had him go back the next day and straighten things out with his teacher.
So I asked Malachi, "Did Ms. F ask you on the first day of classes if there was a nickname that you'd rather go by?"
"Yes, and my friends wanted me to have a name that sounded like it would go with playing the violin, so they chose Vince... I added the Ryan part."
Having a good laugh, I said, "But your name doesn't have ANY of those names in it. If your name was Christopher, your nickname would be Chris. Or if you and your dad had the same name, yours might be a little different so things wouldn't be confusing at home. There isn't even a Vince or a Ryan in our whole family, and unless you have another personality or an acting career that I don't know about, you need to stop telling people to call you this. Now do any of your other teachers call you Vince?"
"No, just Ms. F."
"Has she been calling you that since the first day of school? Like when you raise your hand, she says 'Yes, Vince?'"
"Maybe."
That did it for me. Aside from the fits of giggles and then running upstairs to tell his brother and sister of these shenanigans and share the laughs with them, I finally calmed down enough to fire off an email to the unwitting teacher.
Hi there, Ms. F--
This is Malachi's mom and I just learned something kind of funny that I needed to clear up with you.
Apparently on the first day when you asked if anyone went by a nickname that they'd rather be called, Malachi thought he could give you any other name -- sort of like your class was a role playing game. When I saw his letter just now and asked if the signature of the letter ("Vince") was part of the assignment, that's when he told me that's what you call him and what he goes by in your class. I had to explain to him what nicknames actually are in real life, because he seems to just be going by this made up name in your class only. He says some of his friends call him this, but honestly, this is the first time that any of us here have heard of it. He goes by Malachi by me, his dad, his siblings, and all friends who call this house. I'm sorry if he's confused you. I just thought I should clear it up and hopefully you'd get a bit of a chuckle out of it as well!
--S
P.S. You also know me as Aidan's mom, but of course in this case, the two identities are appropriate!
This is what happens when kids grow up with role playing games and believing it's okay to create a new identity for yourself at the slightest suggestion. Of course, I really shouldn't be surprised. This is the same child who told everyone that his real family was from Mars from the time he could talk until about age 4... described life there in great detail, too, including how the gravity squished everyone's bodies into an apple shape and how they would bounce and roll around there, later adding that they were originally from Jupiter, but had moved to Mars shortly after he was born.
He still gets embarrassed when I tell people that story. I can't wait to meet his first girlfriend!
No comments:
Post a Comment