I WANT A GOD DAMN PONY, DAMMIT!!!
Today, Leila and I went to get manicures and pedicures again, having one of our decadent moments while the rest of you fools were toiling away behind desks or inside ditches or whatever it is you do. I'm starting to enjoy this newly discovered habit a bit too much, I think. This is only my second time ever in my life, but I don't see me giving it up any time soon.
Anyway, as I dropped her off at home while you were probably suffering from your 3:00 comas, she mentioned this new toy from Fur Real Friends called Butterscotch the Pony. As soon as she started talking about it, I knew that I had to have one!
Butterscotch is about 3 feet tall, it responds to your voice, your strokes of its fur, it eats, neighs, blinks, swishes its tail, and if you're under 200 pounds (which luckily I still am!) you can even ride her, while she bounces up and down and makes trotting sounds... she doesn't actually move, but she also doesn't POOP either... so no mess!
Who is this brat with my pony?
Get away from my pony, bitch!
I'll cut you!
Anyway, I couldn't believe my ears when Leila told me. I began fantasizing right away, but nevertheless, I ultimately hoped to God that I'd never see a Butterscotch in person, for fear of never being able to leave the store without one. A few hours later, I was making lists of stuff in my head to get for my other animals that do poop... food to make poop, litter to poop on, poop cleaners, etc... all while strolling through Target.
And that's when it happened: I saw her... in all her glory. Well, sorta. This Target's Butterscotch was running low on battery juice or carrot juice, and rather than neighing, she sounded more like she was slowly dying of some internal injuries. But still... she was beautiful.
If you don't believe me, watch this:
See what I mean? Now I bet you wish you had a pony, too!
Too bad, because she's mine. MINE, I TELL YOU!!! MINE!!!
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