********** BEGIN TRANSMISSION **********
Once again, this is set to my preferred list... as part of the book and extremely personal saga... one that has given me much trouble trying to express the humor that I do see in the pain. My previous two entries have been tame. This one will not be so. That's because this is the end of the story, given long before the other details and chapters got posted... which will be a bit troubling when trying to understand some of the references made, as you'll soon see. And still, sad as it is, it's too unbelievable to not be laughable.
It happened last Thursday, as you all already know. I awoke that morning, checked email, and found a shock waiting for me... a double whammy... I was fired and dumped by my boss/boyfriend of the last 6.5 months. The boss part was just a loose, temporary, part-time thing anyway, so it's less of a worry to me anyhow. But the part that was shocking is that he did it all by email... and that he broke his promise to train me to do motion graphics and show me how to build dazzling elements for my demo reel. I will still go back and write the other months to share for laughs as a later time, but for now, here is verbatim what I received and how I responded:
Subject: Dont know how else to do this
ok
Here is the situation...I've been thinking on this the entire week...actually this has been on my mind for months now. I don't know how to be polite about what is going on so I'm gonna just bullet point what needs to happen in my life regarding us...both working and relationship.
1. I can no longer pay you regularly...I was wrong in thinking that I could afford an assistant at this point in the Anvels life cycle. I would like to contract you from time to time but it would be infrequent until I get to where I need to be financially. I'm aiming for $10, 000.00 in the Anvel before taking on an assistant again. I also am not ready mentally for an assistant...I need to have my stuff together before I have someone work with me. The assistants pay will also be much lower than what I was paying you. It will be somewhere between $10.00 and $15.00 per hour. I will be coming up with a list of duties that an assistant would do.
2. I can no longer train you regularly...I need to start billing out for any time I train...I can't afford to do free training anymore. This does not mean you can't come to me with questions...it just means that there will be no "formal" training given from me until I feel the Anvel is where it needs to be. For future reference personal training will range from $25.00 - $100.00 per hr. I will also do training in trade of services...ex stuffing envelopes...etc
3. Now the Hardest part
I can no longer be in a relationship with you...I am starting to view our relationship as a distraction and a hindrance to the things I need to do in my career. You are right I am motivated differently than you...relationships are not important at this point in my life. This does not mean I do not value you...I think you are the most important person that has come into my life in a long time. That is also why this needs to end...I respect and care about you too much to waste your time. You need someone who is more stable than me. I want our friendship to continue...I hope you do as well...Also I have learned that I can never date the person I train or work with...I am incapable of seperating the two.
4. I do think in the future that you and I will work creatively with each other...I don't think it will be on a romantic level...but as far as work goes I think we would be able to complement each other.
5. Please take this as a friend...I need to correct my problems...ex. Debt, Divorce, Work, My Son...all of these are more important than anything else.
Please figure out what you need to do to correct yours...I know you are not motivated by money...but you do have responsibilities that you need to deal with...don't think that finding a Mr Right will fix these...you need to rethink your motivations...if only to make your life easier.
6. Lastly I will be returning your keys and boxing up your shelves...I'll return them this weekend.
Please return my keys...you can hold onto my laptop if you want to finish CD9...but I will be need those back by May 1st
7. I will also be paying you one last time of $250.00 to finish CD9 by May 1st...but that's up to you.
8. I've been trying to find a way to verbalise this to you but I didn't want you to spin the whole thing around and nullify what I want.
This letter is not a discussion I want to have in depth. These are my needs and I'm not going to change them.
D
Please give me your views thru email...then we can talk about it...if you want.
Does anyone recall the blog entry from January titled Sunshine and Lollipops, where I describe the stress hives D gave me, the resulting conversation, then him having me bullet point the whole thing for him? Well, back then, he told me that in the future, he'd prefer if I always came to him with brief, bullet-pointed issues, so he could address them easily and move on. I told him that would never work with me or any other woman, because it's cold and impersonal and the quickest route to an argument. I even said to him, "If a woman sees bullet points like this, her first reaction would be, 'Oh, it is ON now!'." I then emphasized to him that he should NEVER, EVER do something of that kind with me. Not only did he do it, but he EMAILED it to me.
I was in total shock after that. Yeah, my friends who know the stories that I've told about D's odd behavior and his anger over me asking the simplest questions about his choices are all scratching their heads over why I'd be shocked by this... but I guess I always wanted to believe he was a decent guy, who actually cared about me. Boy, was I ever wrong. The only one D cares about is D, unfortunately. I've known this for a while... like how he left his son in California and hadn't seen him for 15 months, simply because his ex chose a different guy over him. I've always felt sorry for his son... now I have a lot more sympathy for his ex-wife (well, technically they're still not divorced, because Dean doesn't want to deal with that... but that's a whole other blog).
It took me 3 whole days to respond, I was just so angry. When I finally did sit down to write my thoughts, my whole body shook like I was suffering from hypothermia... or going through detox, which is probably more apropos. Although I didn't want to be ugly or come off as the typical woman scorned, I had some points that I needed to clarify for him, so that he'd drop all of his ill-conceived assumptions and judgments about me. I'd held my tongue about oh-so much... it was my time to let it all go. I've decided to post my response here too, so that the balance can be shown... even at the risk of me sounding cruel. (Again, future entries about the past months will shed light on why I held in so much.)
For your reading amusement, my preferred friends, I give you a scorned response that may become a classic, if I don't say so myself...
Thanks for the email, it really made my week. The way you inquired about my knee injury and wished me good luck on my final edit session with T, knowing it was later that very same night, was so touching and inspiring. As a matter of fact, I had to cancel the session with her and take three days to respond, because I was so moved by your sweet, generosity of spirit. I'm thinking of having it framed or possibly getting it in needlepoint on a pillow!
Now that I've gotten the sarcasm out of the way, let me bullet point some facts for you:
1. I can no longer be friends with you. You've proven by your lack of decency here that you do not value me in the slightest. Why on earth would I invite more of that into my life? If I should happen to see you around somewhere, I will be civil, but most likely highly distant (at best). I don't care about losing your assistant position, because the complete lack of respect and utter disregard that you've shown me is incomprehensible... but, hey, thanks for the book fodder!
2. Why would I ever want to pay you to train me, when you couldn't manage to train me in 6 months thus far under much better circumstances? "Gee, maybe when he gets some cash in his hand for it, he'll be motivated to be a better teacher? Or if I'm lucky, he'll just berate me MORE! I can't wait for that!" Yeah, that makes total sense.
And just so you know for your own future reference, therapy ranges between $140.00 - $200.00 per hour. So the next time you start feeling like you'd paid me too much for too long, take a moment to consider that rate and then weigh all the assistance I gave you in helping to tame your emotional demons and to keep you from further fucking up your life... not that that's all fixed now, by any means. I'm not even sure that's possible.
3. Breaking up was the hardest part for you? Really? So hard, in fact, that you not only gave me a layoff via email, but decided to add the salt of a breakup letter to the wound? Unbelievable. Did you think I'd not take that personally? Of course, what more could I expect from someone who runs away from his problems? I might have been able to have a friendship with you, if you had handled any of this better than you have here. I don't even consider our relationship to be a real adult relationship, because it was always your way or the highway. You were so self-absorbed that you never seemed to consider that there was another person with feelings and desires next to you. And you respect and care about me too much to waste my time? But apparently not enough to actually talk to me in person, huh. Again, thanks for the material.
4. I always thought that our creative ideas and styles could compliment each other and that I could fill in holes that you had in your creativity (can your ego take that?) and vice versa... I looked forward to the day that we'd get to finally work together on something... anything... not just motion graphics stuff. Now, however, I don't see that ever happening. You know how you feel about Kyle because of that whole CBS deal? Multiply that times 100, and that's pretty much how I feel towards you after your email. Sure, you're talented, but it takes more than that to succeed in the game of life... again, you never really cared to make room for what I brought to the table.
Also, I held my tongue about your bad behavior when I was dating you for the sake of our relationship (unlike many of the cruel and hurtful things you casually slung at me on a regular basis); but now that things have ended like this, and that you've chosen these terms, I can guarantee that my B.S. tolerance would be next to nil. Since everything has to be your way with a constant need for praise and worship of your work, my biting wit and honest critiques would neither be curtailed nor go over well with you.
5. You have no right to assume that I was trying to find a "Mr. Right" with you to fix my problems. NEED I REMIND YOU THAT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO BEGGED ME FOR A RELATIONSHIP WHEN WE MET? I had sworn off dating and you had to convince me by saying that you couldn't wait. How easily you forget. I also told you at that time that I absolutely do not date men who are still married... did you forget that as well? And lo and behold, what did you finally admit 2 months later? At that point, I could have just walked away, if I hadn't believed you were going to actually start training me soon.
I've known for a long time now that I would have broken up with you if it hadn't been for the work. I simply continued to date you to keep things smooth sailing for the coming training sessions... or so I thought it would go. Part of me hoped that you'd be a different person once the training was done and the divorce was final, but as the months wore on, I realized that this is just who you are... you even admitted that others pointed these bad behaviors, man periods, and issues out to you decades earlier, and that was really what made me lose hope that you'd be different.
Yes, it's true that I have been working overtime to maintain a semblance of a relationship with you, especially since December, simply for the benefit of your small business to get off the ground and for my career to take flight. You, with your huge ego, thought that I wanted to marry you, but all I wanted was the training you promised and the demo reel. So you see, I have other motivations than "finding a Mr. Right"... I was putting my career first, and brother, that takes some major commitment to stick through your tantrums and drama. My mindset wasn't always that way, no... before we went to Florida in December, I thought you actually wanted a real relationship and that you were just going through a rough patch... but that image of you has been shattered by repeat offenses, bad behavior, and downright meanness. And through it all, I held my tongue about the things that REALLY bothered me.
What bothered me? So many things, but the most glaring was that you couldn't respect me, simply because I didn't want to be a clone of you. You emphasized that over and over, adding that you only respect people who are creative and driven. Pardon me for not having an Emmy or two under my belt. Do you know what it takes to finish a Masters Degree at the head of your class and with a prestigious fellowship as a single parent of three? No? I thought not.
You never asked, but would you like to know who I respect? Men who don't abandon their children. Every time you whined or snipped about "I haven't seen my son and it's so unfair," I wanted to smack you in the head and say, "Don't talk to me about fair! You're the jerk who left him across the country to put your own needs first!" I never had designs on you for a "future together" because of that. I knew that if you ran from your problems in California, then you'd do it to me sometime down the road the moment life got tough. It is a sad story, yes, but I only feel sad for your son, not for you. Try not blaming everyone else for your problems for once and just dealing with them head on... you might actually learn something and hurt fewer people in the process.
6. I will be leaving your computer, books, and keys (inside the inner mouse-pocket of the computer bag) locked in the trunk of my van this evening. I will not be here, as I have tickets to the animation thing this evening, if you recall. I suggest you make the effort to drive over sometime between 4pm and 9pm to remove your things and place my stuff in the trunk. I don't wish to see you and have some cold property exchange... it's not worth my time or energy, so this will be the only time for you to gather your belongings.
7. As for your offer about CD 9... no thank you. It was never about the money anyhow, but you will never understand that.
8. And finally, let me get this straight... an email was the best way that you came up with? Wow. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not a "people person." Remember on New Years when you asked, "We'll always be friends, right?" And my answer was, "Unless you hurt me." Congratulations on coming up with a new all-time low for handling a breakup. Now me, I'm not one for violence... but you do realize that if I had been one of your typical psychotic exes, ending things like this, with a laptop and keys to your car and apartment in my possession, I could have really fucked up your life in many ways. In that hindsight, don't you think you could have tried just a tad harder to find a better, more polite way to end things? That was rhetorical... no need to bother coming up with an answer.
As you ended your email, I will concur. There is no need for a protracted discussion. Also, please do not include me in your memories of "all of your girlfriends" who tell you that they'd still sleep with you, as I do not share the sentiment. Although I was the one who always asked for more intimacy, if you noticed I didn't physically try to initiate... that's mostly because I tend to be into more creative partners and I always felt stifled by your fear of my sexuality... or maybe it was a fear of my creativity in that realm dominating yours? Who cares. I merely offered regularly to take the edge off of dealing with you... it relaxed me, and it also caused your particular brand of crazy to be less intense, making you actually enjoyable to be around. Although the sex was at times good enough to make a week go better with you, it was never frequent enough nor mind blowing enough to make up for all of the added stress and hives and weight gain and tears that have occurred since I've met you. You've even driven me to start smoking again. Unbeknownst to you, that started 3 weeks ago, immediately after your last "this isn't working" freak out. After 8 months of managing to go cold turkey, lighting up was the only way I could keep from breaking out in hives again.
Despite all of my hurt feelings and stress, I do not wish any ill will upon you. In many ways, I feel sorry for you that you continue to make your life so hard, when you have so many things going for you. I hope at some point you'll be able to see that, but I'm not going to concern myself any longer with your issues.
Be glad that I took my time to respond. This is the "nice" email... I answered you a hundred times in angrier and/or sadder versions in my head, but this one summed things up just right. A little scathing (and rightfully so), but honest. I would, however, like to request one thing from you... it's actually more of a demand, in exchange for all that I put up with and for this truly crappy ending you've given:
9. In the future, when you should be called upon for a reference about me, offer a glowingly good one. I have done nothing to ever hurt you or injure you in any way (except for maybe the ego bruising I just vented above) and have only wished to help you succeed and get ahead, yet you broke your promises, changed your plans every time the wind blew, then left me hanging out to dry... allowing me to accomplish nothing in 6.5 months... the very least you can do is be a good reference. I think that I have earned it.
--Sherri
There you have it, folks. The She-Creature has fangs.
He responded only one more time... brief and to the point:
Hey,
I'll pick up my things and leave your things tonight.
Don't worry about a crappy reference from me...there are no bad words that will ever be expressed towards you.
Sorry to drag you into my delirium.
D
That night, I returned home to find my stuff returned in a box in my trunk. Tonight I decided that wasn't enough closure and I needed one more purge for my system, so I burned the only physical photograph (as opposed to the many digital ones) that I have in my possession... the one taken of us in "happier times" at MGM Studios.
Is that another symbolic moment? Me laughing my ass off, him screaming in fear like a little girl and squeezing my hand for security... happy together (sort of) in the Tower of Terror. I say "sort of" because that picture was taken just a few hours after the first of many big fights where Dean dropped the "this isn't working for me" bomb and said he wanted to break up... hence the full-body hives that followed a few days later... again, that's a blog for another time. It is rather prophetic that I had to drag him onto the ride and that he tried to dash away... twice... and leave me on it alone before they closed the doors.
But here's how the picture looked tonight in its ritual burning:
Ashes to ashes.
********** END TRANSMISSION **********
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