...And we were able to go to the movies together, then you would have seen the sight that I just saw as I left the theatre.
A man with a completely maniacal look in his eyes walked past, headed into the theatre, and in his hand were two large marbles that he was furiously clacking together.
Now normally when I'm alone, I catch the 10:00 movies, and thus have the drunk and disorderly crowd to contend with... but perhaps because I was with friends this time, their better fortune and catching an earlier showing helped me to narrowly avoid being trapped in the "lucky" audience who gets saddled with that OCD-addled nutcase.
"175, 176, 177... just 1000 clacks and everything will be okay... 178, 179..."
I imagine someone's going to get punched tonight -- either Mr. Bizarro for not stopping the clacking when he's told, or whoever attempts to take away his marbles.
But damn, that oughta be one helluva movie! Heck, just seeing that guy after our film made it better.
We saw The Queen.
Tomorrow it's Letters from Iwo Jima with another friend.
And God willing, there will be a freak there, too!
It can and did happen! Tell-all blog about dating ... well, tell-most ... tell-some ... regardless, it's TMI.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Sunshine and Lollipops
Before I begin, I'm going to warn you: this isn't your average She-Creature blog entry. It's not really a gripe session... it's not really a comedic interlude... it's not really about dating woes. And yet... it is. It is and it isn't. Or is it?
Confused yet? Wait until I'm done telling you this tale!
The second thing that I have to note to you is that I am writing this out with my boyfriend's complete approval. Unlike in the past where I'd air my grievances after a relationship went sour, with no choice on the dude's part whatsoever... this one is a story about how a relationship started to go sour, then we had "a talk" and it all cleared up... though not in the conventional sense, of course. Ready?
December was a rough month here. D was stressed and was starting to act a bit manic. Outwardly to any friends who'd call, he'd act as if everything was great. What I saw, however was a man who was shutting down emotionally and it was affecting everything, naturally. He also insisted that I was not to bring up anything about this situation until after January 1st.
This demand in particular was the hardest for me. As a woman, I need to talk about emotions, because I know that they'll turn inward into something darker and far more destructive. As his employee, I was concerned about how it was affecting his ability to hit deadlines and make good business decisions. As his girlfriend, I was concerned about his health and about the health of our relationship as well, which was suffering as he was pulling further and further away into his pit of despair.
I'll spare you the rest. Only two other people know all the details, because I needed to get their opinions before I confronted D with our "talk" ... and because that talk cleared all those details up, they are not so important anymore. What is important to this blog is why I had the talk and how it went down.
During our Florida trip, I kept noticing an itchy spot here or there... usually just one hive or a small cluster, that would go away within a few hours. Nothing uncommon for me, really. But about 2 days after we got back, I broke out in a full-body case of the hives. I mean EVERYwhere... big, itchy, splotchy welts.
My hands suffered the most and I was constantly trying not to scratch... and they did not go away after a few hours. As a matther of fact, they stuck around for the better part of a week. On New Years Eve, they took over my lips and made them swell up into something that would make Angelina Jolie ask, "Do those things hurt?"
Yeah, my chin and neck are also misshapen by hives patches, too.
Now that you're thoroughly creeped out, I'll stop with the closeups.
These were taken at around 8AM on New Year's Eve, Sunday morning... immediately after D flew out of my house without making eye contact with me or kissing me goodbye, stating he had a lot of errands to do that day. On a Sunday. When everything is still closed. He was also saying that he'd see me in 12 hours or so. Nice.
I gave up trying to plead with him for more time or affection at that point. He did come back that evening and we spent New Years Eve night together, without my huge lips (Claritin Hives formula cleared them up, but not really the rest of me). He also helped take my mind off the itchiness for a bit, but he was still quite distant.
For the next two days after the New Year began, he remained extra busy and extra distant... perhaps he knew that his January 1st moratorium had passed and I'd be starting to prod him with inquiries again. Perhaps he was just preoccupied with his new job. All I do know is that nothing seemed to be getting any easier between us and I remained extra itchy... until late Tuesday night, that is. That's when it hit me: why the hives.
I tried to call him and have a talk with him at 2AM, thinking that he was up working, but he was already asleep... so I spared him the surprise attack. Instead, I imagined he was in front of me and I poured out everything that I needed to say to him... mostly that I just didn't know where I stood or how he felt about me. As the words poured out, so did the tears. After 30 minutes, I realized something had changed... suddenly, I wasn't itchy anymore.
I checked my arms and hands and they were clear... no hives. I checked my legs and everywhere else... no hives! Gone! I released the pressure valve and they immediately cleared up. The next day, I called D to tell him the news.
"My hives are gone."
"Really? That's great! Did you figure out what was causing them?" D asked.
"Well, yes. It was you."
I explained that the stress of being around him was causing them and that he and I needed to have a talk about some things that weekend... giving him 2 whole days of notice, which he'd previously asked me to give him a heads up if there would ever be any important, emotionally heavy conversations. In the 2 days that he had to wait, he tried to guess what the topics would be, over and over... he also talked to his friends to see what they thought "the talk" could mean. Apparently, they gave him good ideas, knowing him as well as they do.
When I finally got around to having the talk, D asked if I could give him a bullet pointed list of the topics. I laughed and told him that I didn't have such a list... so while I talked, he tried to keep them in a list form and boiled down to talking points. It was a little annoying having him ask, "Is this part of number one or are we on number two now?" But I was used to this... again, a previous mini-talk had shed light on this behavior of his.
When I was done with my part of the talk, D fell asleep... the next day, he asked me to type up the bullet-pointed list so he could review them over breakfast and discuss. Most girls would probably tell a guy what he could do with his list, but I obliged... and tried to phrase things the way he did the night before in his Cliff's Notes summaries of each topic.
For your amusement, here is a copy of that list:
(click image to enlarge)
The doodles are D's "explanations" of his own behavior. As a matter of fact, "Doodles" may become my nickname for D, thanks to this tendency of his. See the car speeding away from the angry monster and towards the happy sunset? That's apparently how he deals with his problems. I told him it looked like he was speeding into a blazing sun, where he'd burn up on impact. He wasn't too keen on that version.
I also asked, "What happens if it snows? Don't you need to pull over and put chains on those tires, so you can continue on? Sometimes you have to deal with a problem or you'll spin in one place going nowhere or you may loose control and wreck." He admitted that my version made sense, but he thought that his way was pretty good until then.
Notice also that he took issue with 1.A. -- mostly, he was concerned with why I would put an exclamation point there. I told him when I first typed it, it was in all caps and had THREE exclamation points behind it, so I thought that this version was a much milder form of emphasis in comparison.
He had a problem with me telling him not to judge me as well. That conversation was about being judgmental... rather than not using judgment... there's a big difference. We spent a good half-hour going round and round on that topic, but I think we both understand each other a lot better now.
And there you have it: how D and I talked our relationship down from the ledge. It could have gone in any direction, but we somehow managed to stay level-headed most of the time and incorporated humor whenever possible. After that, we were able to have our normal conversations again.
Like last Tuesday, for instance, when we were on the phone and D asked when we'd brought home Chinese leftovers (it had been 4 days earlier)... when I told him, we agreed that it would be too risky to eat... that the day before was probably the last day it was safe, and I added that he could still eat it if he had a time machine. He asked why he'd bother using a time machine to go back one day and eat leftovers. That's when I said:
"Are you telling me that if you only had one chance to use a time machine, but it was only to go back to yesterday and eat the Chinese food leftovers, then you had to immediately come back, you wouldn't still jump at that chance? Especially if it would be your ONLY chance to get in a time machine EVER again? C'mon. You know you'd do it."
He reluctantly agreed that he would, but said that he'd also leave himself a note or something. I told him that now he's messed with the space-time continuum and we're all screwed. As a matter of fact, I bet that's why it's been so warm lately... D left himself a note after eating the leftovers and now the world is going to collide with the sun.
Ah well, time machines suck anyway. I'd definitely use one to eat leftovers, though. That brings me to the thing that is driving my kids batty... I'm always on them about cleaning up after they eat and to put away anything remaining for later. They asked me why last week, which is when I said, "Save the cheeseburger, save the world." Now it comes out with everything and the kids are about to have a mutiny... all except Aidan, who still giggles a bit each time I say it. Then he looks at me crossways like I'm a dork.
I think this blog had a point, but it's 3AM and I didn't sleep well last night, so my points are all fuzzy and squishy.
I'm ending here.
Nite.
Confused yet? Wait until I'm done telling you this tale!
The second thing that I have to note to you is that I am writing this out with my boyfriend's complete approval. Unlike in the past where I'd air my grievances after a relationship went sour, with no choice on the dude's part whatsoever... this one is a story about how a relationship started to go sour, then we had "a talk" and it all cleared up... though not in the conventional sense, of course. Ready?
December was a rough month here. D was stressed and was starting to act a bit manic. Outwardly to any friends who'd call, he'd act as if everything was great. What I saw, however was a man who was shutting down emotionally and it was affecting everything, naturally. He also insisted that I was not to bring up anything about this situation until after January 1st.
This demand in particular was the hardest for me. As a woman, I need to talk about emotions, because I know that they'll turn inward into something darker and far more destructive. As his employee, I was concerned about how it was affecting his ability to hit deadlines and make good business decisions. As his girlfriend, I was concerned about his health and about the health of our relationship as well, which was suffering as he was pulling further and further away into his pit of despair.
I'll spare you the rest. Only two other people know all the details, because I needed to get their opinions before I confronted D with our "talk" ... and because that talk cleared all those details up, they are not so important anymore. What is important to this blog is why I had the talk and how it went down.
During our Florida trip, I kept noticing an itchy spot here or there... usually just one hive or a small cluster, that would go away within a few hours. Nothing uncommon for me, really. But about 2 days after we got back, I broke out in a full-body case of the hives. I mean EVERYwhere... big, itchy, splotchy welts.
My hands suffered the most and I was constantly trying not to scratch... and they did not go away after a few hours. As a matther of fact, they stuck around for the better part of a week. On New Years Eve, they took over my lips and made them swell up into something that would make Angelina Jolie ask, "Do those things hurt?"
Now that you're thoroughly creeped out, I'll stop with the closeups.
These were taken at around 8AM on New Year's Eve, Sunday morning... immediately after D flew out of my house without making eye contact with me or kissing me goodbye, stating he had a lot of errands to do that day. On a Sunday. When everything is still closed. He was also saying that he'd see me in 12 hours or so. Nice.
I gave up trying to plead with him for more time or affection at that point. He did come back that evening and we spent New Years Eve night together, without my huge lips (Claritin Hives formula cleared them up, but not really the rest of me). He also helped take my mind off the itchiness for a bit, but he was still quite distant.
For the next two days after the New Year began, he remained extra busy and extra distant... perhaps he knew that his January 1st moratorium had passed and I'd be starting to prod him with inquiries again. Perhaps he was just preoccupied with his new job. All I do know is that nothing seemed to be getting any easier between us and I remained extra itchy... until late Tuesday night, that is. That's when it hit me: why the hives.
I tried to call him and have a talk with him at 2AM, thinking that he was up working, but he was already asleep... so I spared him the surprise attack. Instead, I imagined he was in front of me and I poured out everything that I needed to say to him... mostly that I just didn't know where I stood or how he felt about me. As the words poured out, so did the tears. After 30 minutes, I realized something had changed... suddenly, I wasn't itchy anymore.
I checked my arms and hands and they were clear... no hives. I checked my legs and everywhere else... no hives! Gone! I released the pressure valve and they immediately cleared up. The next day, I called D to tell him the news.
"My hives are gone."
"Really? That's great! Did you figure out what was causing them?" D asked.
"Well, yes. It was you."
I explained that the stress of being around him was causing them and that he and I needed to have a talk about some things that weekend... giving him 2 whole days of notice, which he'd previously asked me to give him a heads up if there would ever be any important, emotionally heavy conversations. In the 2 days that he had to wait, he tried to guess what the topics would be, over and over... he also talked to his friends to see what they thought "the talk" could mean. Apparently, they gave him good ideas, knowing him as well as they do.
When I finally got around to having the talk, D asked if I could give him a bullet pointed list of the topics. I laughed and told him that I didn't have such a list... so while I talked, he tried to keep them in a list form and boiled down to talking points. It was a little annoying having him ask, "Is this part of number one or are we on number two now?" But I was used to this... again, a previous mini-talk had shed light on this behavior of his.
When I was done with my part of the talk, D fell asleep... the next day, he asked me to type up the bullet-pointed list so he could review them over breakfast and discuss. Most girls would probably tell a guy what he could do with his list, but I obliged... and tried to phrase things the way he did the night before in his Cliff's Notes summaries of each topic.
For your amusement, here is a copy of that list:
The doodles are D's "explanations" of his own behavior. As a matter of fact, "Doodles" may become my nickname for D, thanks to this tendency of his. See the car speeding away from the angry monster and towards the happy sunset? That's apparently how he deals with his problems. I told him it looked like he was speeding into a blazing sun, where he'd burn up on impact. He wasn't too keen on that version.
I also asked, "What happens if it snows? Don't you need to pull over and put chains on those tires, so you can continue on? Sometimes you have to deal with a problem or you'll spin in one place going nowhere or you may loose control and wreck." He admitted that my version made sense, but he thought that his way was pretty good until then.
Notice also that he took issue with 1.A. -- mostly, he was concerned with why I would put an exclamation point there. I told him when I first typed it, it was in all caps and had THREE exclamation points behind it, so I thought that this version was a much milder form of emphasis in comparison.
He had a problem with me telling him not to judge me as well. That conversation was about being judgmental... rather than not using judgment... there's a big difference. We spent a good half-hour going round and round on that topic, but I think we both understand each other a lot better now.
And there you have it: how D and I talked our relationship down from the ledge. It could have gone in any direction, but we somehow managed to stay level-headed most of the time and incorporated humor whenever possible. After that, we were able to have our normal conversations again.
Like last Tuesday, for instance, when we were on the phone and D asked when we'd brought home Chinese leftovers (it had been 4 days earlier)... when I told him, we agreed that it would be too risky to eat... that the day before was probably the last day it was safe, and I added that he could still eat it if he had a time machine. He asked why he'd bother using a time machine to go back one day and eat leftovers. That's when I said:
"Are you telling me that if you only had one chance to use a time machine, but it was only to go back to yesterday and eat the Chinese food leftovers, then you had to immediately come back, you wouldn't still jump at that chance? Especially if it would be your ONLY chance to get in a time machine EVER again? C'mon. You know you'd do it."
He reluctantly agreed that he would, but said that he'd also leave himself a note or something. I told him that now he's messed with the space-time continuum and we're all screwed. As a matter of fact, I bet that's why it's been so warm lately... D left himself a note after eating the leftovers and now the world is going to collide with the sun.
Ah well, time machines suck anyway. I'd definitely use one to eat leftovers, though. That brings me to the thing that is driving my kids batty... I'm always on them about cleaning up after they eat and to put away anything remaining for later. They asked me why last week, which is when I said, "Save the cheeseburger, save the world." Now it comes out with everything and the kids are about to have a mutiny... all except Aidan, who still giggles a bit each time I say it. Then he looks at me crossways like I'm a dork.
I think this blog had a point, but it's 3AM and I didn't sleep well last night, so my points are all fuzzy and squishy.
I'm ending here.
Nite.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Just another day in the life of the She-Creature
Yesterday I was on the phone with Cully, having one of our all-encompassing, in-depth discussions, which often run the gamut of politics, religion, movies and comics, and pretty much anything is fair game.
At one point, I believe right after I'd asked if he knew what the difference was between "camel toe" and "moose knuckle" ... and he'd asked his studio mates if they knew, and we'd also checked Urban Dictionary to find that a moose knuckle was the same as a camel toe, just with a heavier set of "meat curtains" (also see "ninja boot") ... that's when from behind me, I hear the sound of a scuffle coming down the stairs, and I turn around as I realize the sound is actually the da-dun da-da-da-da-da dun dun DA-dun, DA dun dun DA-dun rhythm of the "Amok Time" fight theme.
(If you're not geeky enough to get that reference, then press play on the YouTube video below for a STAR TREK refresher.)
What I see is my son Aidan backing into the corner of the laundryroom, holding a sack full of heavy-ish round things ("Quarters?" I wonder at first glance) and he's using it to swing at Malachi, who's persuing him with a broken mop stick, wielding it with both hands to make jabbing motions at Aidan's chest. I swear he was trying to make that same slashing tear across Aidan's chest that Spock did to Kirk.
Anyway, it turns out when I step in finally that they are actually fighting over a really large Ziplock bag filled with Lifesavers. The first odd thing is the amount... there's like over 100 of them and I have no idea where they got them. The second odd thing is that they're all unwrapped... meaning that someone took the time to either unroll them from their grouped packages, or open those little individual plastic wrappings that you occasionally see. Either way, they were a mass of stuck-together Lifesavers that were being simultaneously used as a weapon and were the prize of the fight.
Aidan tried to say something about Malachi smashing something of his and he was going to take the Lifesavers as retribution, or something... I really didn't care. I simply swiped them from him and put them in my office, saying, "They're mine now. You can have them back when you can behave yourself." This appeased Malachi, but incensed Aidan... again, I didn't care. As warden, it's not my job to analyze the psychology of the moment. It's merely my job to diffuse the fights that break out in the yard.
An hour or so later, Aidan asked if he could have the Lifesavers back to share this time and I agreed... I think I was still on the phone and perhaps deeply involved in a conversation about a possible Edwards-Obama ticket in 2008... or maybe it was about different colors of people's genitalia (the purple penises are the weirdest -- like Frankenstein attachments, because the guy is never purple himself... am I right or what?).
This message was brought to you by the number 100 and the letter P.
At one point, I believe right after I'd asked if he knew what the difference was between "camel toe" and "moose knuckle" ... and he'd asked his studio mates if they knew, and we'd also checked Urban Dictionary to find that a moose knuckle was the same as a camel toe, just with a heavier set of "meat curtains" (also see "ninja boot") ... that's when from behind me, I hear the sound of a scuffle coming down the stairs, and I turn around as I realize the sound is actually the da-dun da-da-da-da-da dun dun DA-dun, DA dun dun DA-dun rhythm of the "Amok Time" fight theme.
(If you're not geeky enough to get that reference, then press play on the YouTube video below for a STAR TREK refresher.)
What I see is my son Aidan backing into the corner of the laundryroom, holding a sack full of heavy-ish round things ("Quarters?" I wonder at first glance) and he's using it to swing at Malachi, who's persuing him with a broken mop stick, wielding it with both hands to make jabbing motions at Aidan's chest. I swear he was trying to make that same slashing tear across Aidan's chest that Spock did to Kirk.
Anyway, it turns out when I step in finally that they are actually fighting over a really large Ziplock bag filled with Lifesavers. The first odd thing is the amount... there's like over 100 of them and I have no idea where they got them. The second odd thing is that they're all unwrapped... meaning that someone took the time to either unroll them from their grouped packages, or open those little individual plastic wrappings that you occasionally see. Either way, they were a mass of stuck-together Lifesavers that were being simultaneously used as a weapon and were the prize of the fight.
Aidan tried to say something about Malachi smashing something of his and he was going to take the Lifesavers as retribution, or something... I really didn't care. I simply swiped them from him and put them in my office, saying, "They're mine now. You can have them back when you can behave yourself." This appeased Malachi, but incensed Aidan... again, I didn't care. As warden, it's not my job to analyze the psychology of the moment. It's merely my job to diffuse the fights that break out in the yard.
An hour or so later, Aidan asked if he could have the Lifesavers back to share this time and I agreed... I think I was still on the phone and perhaps deeply involved in a conversation about a possible Edwards-Obama ticket in 2008... or maybe it was about different colors of people's genitalia (the purple penises are the weirdest -- like Frankenstein attachments, because the guy is never purple himself... am I right or what?).
This message was brought to you by the number 100 and the letter P.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Holiday Roadtrip
Go ahead, yell at me. Tell me I'm a slacker. I know it. I've neglected this thing for too long... exactly 4 weeks now. I'd say sorry, but really... I'm not. It's my blog, so I say if you don't like it, you can suck it.
Okay, okay. Don't go off and pout. I am sorry. Can you forgive me so we can move past this? Yes? Great! Now I can tell you about how I spent my winter vacation.
Yeah, I know that sounds like the title of a mandatory 4th grade report, and I'll tell you what... any 4th grader would be damn proud to have the kind of adventure that I had, boy howdy!
D and I spent a week in Central and South Florida for Christmas.
Someone check me for brain tumors! I've actually gone to the Land of the Mouse twice this year! Not only that, this time I actually wallowed in the City of Cheese. That's right... the majority of our time was spent in the Orlando/Kissimmee area, where we mostly played tourists.
Unfortunately, the amount of time we spent frolicking in theme parks, combined with the rigors of the holiday for the locals, meant that we were all too tired and/or busy to visit with any of my old school pals this time. We really wanted to, but all the walking and heat and required visit with my dad left us exhausted.
I say that visit was required only because he very generously gave us a week of his time share to use and we were able to stay in a huge villa right next to Disney... I couldn't not go visit with him after that (plus I felt a bit guilty about not making the time last trip there). I hadn't been to my dad's house since August 1999... shit, I was still married then!
By the way, the consensus from my dad and step-mom was that D was a swell guy who was welcome back anytime... and on Christmas day, they called again to say that my little half-sisters (ages 12 and 7) wanted to wish Dean a very Merry Christmas... no message for me though. Apparently after meeting Dean, they completely forgot that they had a big sister at all.
What follows is our travel itinerary, followed by a photoblog detailing our adventure. No questions will be taken until after you've suffered the photoblog... please make it through the whole entry before you ask me a thing, dammit! Or else I'm turning this blog around right now, you hear me! Okay then.
Day 1 - Drive from Atlanta to the Kissimmee timeshare villa. This involves a little last minute Xmas shopping beforehand, which was supposed to be brief, but turned into a several hour event. We finally managed to leave town around 4pm or so and didn't check in at our destination until well after Midnight.
Day 2 - More running around looking for food to fill our villa's huge kitchen and various sundries that we'd forgotten to pack, plus some more Xmas shopping, this time for my dad and step-mom, since we were headed there for dinner that evening. D suggested that we had to go to the Holyland Experience. I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. We actually paid to get in just to look in their gift shop. They later reimbursed the entry fee, thankfully... otherwise it's be a gip. I mean for $40 a pop, you'd think you'd at least get to see Jesus! Maybe sit on his lap and get a picture with him... tug on his beard... something. But no, Virginia, there was no Jesus.
I did, however, find something extremely cool for my dad... hell, I wanted a set, but there were only two and D needed something for his mom, so I had to let it go. The objects of my desire were 3 wooden and metal boxes which contained real gold, frankensense, and myrh. I'm serious, these were really cool. I don't have a picture of them, so you'll just have to imagine them yourself. They also had really awesome miniature Arcs of the Covenant, just like the one in Raiders... you bet your sweet ass I got one of those puppies! Unfortunately, they don't seem to know that they'd sell way more of them if they had little Indiana Jones action figures next to the display. They wouldn't be able to keep them in stock, if that were the case. Dean told me not to worry... we'd find a remedy for that soon enough.
The visit at my dad's house went very well... the weirdest moment was when my step-mom opened their present from D and I and without hesitation, she exclaimed, "You went to the Holyland?!" Now, NOWHERE on these boxes did it say where it came from, so obviously she goes there often enough to know what's in the gift shop. That was uncanny, yet somehow I wasn't entirely surprised.
Day 3 - The day was spent at Animal Kingdom... the evening was spent at Epcot. The pictures are better for this part of the story.
Day 4 - By day, we raced around MGM Studios... this time we didn't bother getting out super early, because it didn't make any difference with the lines. We figured it didn't matter if we made it to the Magic Kingdom or not, since I was basically raised there... but somehow at the end of the day, we still had a little energy left in reserve and we hit that park too. Again, pictures do this part of the story more justice... so see below.
Day 5 - We left Orlando behind and took off for South Florida, to spend Christmas Eve with D's college pals... a great meal followed by gift exchanging and a long game of Trivial Pursuit DVD. I really thought that the other team would win, with one player covering all of the sports trivia, another covering all of the movies, and the third covering everything else... especially when it was just me and D against them, and D isn't exactly a handicap... but... let's just say that when he did guess correctly, no one could figure out how he knew the answer, least of all him. Somehow, we came from waaaaay behind to win the game. They were a great bunch and it was a fun and informative evening, with his old pals all letting me in on important D habits and tales.
Day 6 - D and I were staying at a hotel in Fort Lauderdale, which coincidently just happened to be right next to his old college. He showed be around his old stomping grounds and we spent the majority of Christmas day enjoying a really long walk along the beach.
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the odd brunch we had at Denny's first though... where everyone working there seemed to be exhausted and angry, due to the second shift not showing up... the staff was pissed that they were having to miss time with their families and they were beginning to take it out on the customers. First, the scary hostess begrudgingly sat us after she wandered all over the restaurant trying to figure out who to saddle with us. She gave us to the sourest of servers... a 300+ pound, 6.5 foot tall guy who, when hearing that Dean wanted a shake, said, "You get it when I feel like getting it." He later apologized to us for his tone, and told us that he was missing Xmas dinner and his family said they were starting without him... he looked like a man who would never be happy to miss dinner, and probably came from a family that didn't believe in leftovers. He then tried to refill my coffee and when I turned him down, he said, "Oh, I'm filling it. And if I brought it over to you, you WILL drink it." I timidly obliged.
Day 7 - After watching a marathon of The Dog Whisperer on Animal Planet way into the night, I had a hard time getting out of bed for our drive back. We got out by 11am, but spent a couple hours tooling around a cool comic book store called Tate's, then having brunch (NOT at that Denny's) before heading out... somehow it was around 4pm again. We rolled into my driveway after Midnight again.
I only managed to take pictures of the theme park days and somehow missed out on snapping any of the surly Denny's server, the beach, D's pals, or the oddest thing ever: the vortex of hundreds of swirling turkey buzzards that gather in the air above the huge landfills that line the Florida turnpike. I don't think photos of that could do it justice, though... it's a truly bizarre and fear-inducing sight to behold.
Okay, you've been patient little campers. Here's the photo portion:
You may have to go back to my October entries to see an equal parallel to this, but once again, our lodgings were located in close proximity to some major cheese.
I ask you, Orlando, in all sincerity... what the hell is wrong with you people???
(Note D there on the right for scale.)
What's that little place through yonder forest?
Oh my God, we're going into the Holyland! Despite my own hesitation, due to fears of Koolaid pushers and stonings, D went right on in without any fear whatsoever.
There wasn't any sign of the Messiah, but these things were there, so I decided to tempt God and squat down next to them. Amazingly, I wasn't struck by lightning... maybe that's because these are just replicas. I mean, didn't Charleton Heston smash the real ones in that movie?
Here we see the reason why I should have been stoned to death in the Holyland: if it isn't obvious to you by now, this is a scene from inside my own head. If you look to the left, you'll find a comfy chair and a tv, with Bergman films playing in a loop... to the right you'll find unicorns and dragons.
Actually, it's just an image from the bat exhibit at Animal Kingdom, which made the whole place worth the cost of admission.
I could stay there all day, if it weren't for the whole guano odor problem.
Check this guy out... if you look closely, he's not only displaying his impressive wingspan, he's also showing you his weenis. Awesome, huh?
We kept getting caught in the rain on both days of our park adventures, but somehow forgot to bring the rain ponchos with us... by the time we were done with the 4 parks, we had enough ponchos to give out as presents to everyone. "Merry Christmas, Mom... kids! Thanks for watching my animals for a week, neighbors... have some ponchos!" The best part was how D kept insisting how silly I looked in my poncho. Umm, yeah. I know... but I didn't have a mirror to show him. Instead, I had my trusty camera, so now he knows how he silly he looked.
This picture was taken to show our roles at the park... navigator and documenter.
There's no shame in looking like a pansy and crying to get off before it starts.
MGM Studios is a strange combination of Hollywood magic and Disneyana cheese... like this movie set street that converts later to...
...this Magic Kingdom-esque light show, complete with "snow" falling from the "sky" (it's actually soap bubbles).
At the Tower of Terror, they've mastered the art of setting a mood that creeps you out and has the bejeezus scared out of you before you even get your ass in the seat. As a matter of fact, D admitted the he'd backed out of this ride many a time at the last minute, using his son's fears as the excuse, but he was ready to bail anyway and it was always just a convenient ruse for his own fear. He was ready to bail this time as well and I had to pull and drag him onto this ride, with him gripping my hand really tight and muttering how much he HATED this ride. Yet, once the falling started, all I heard out of him was a high pitched "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" followed by girly giggling, followed by more screaming and more belly laughs. I don't think his mouth shut the whole time and I'm not sure when he took a breath, really.
I now present THE BEST PICTURE EVER (click on it to fully appreciate the moment):
Yeah, that's me laughing my ass off... and sure, the ride makes you laugh as it takes you back up for more and more drops... but it was D's screams that brought rolling tears down my cheeks from the unbridled laughter. I only got to ride the thing once, but I'd do that one over and over, if I could.
And finally...
That last photo is just to show you when the best time is to hit the Magic Kingdom... after 9pm when they do the fireworks show, the place just empties out and it's still open for 3 more hours... that's when you don't have to stand in any real lines and they'll even let you ride things over and over the closer it gets to Midnight.
I really wish that we'd bought the picture that was snapped of us on the Buzz Lightyear ride, where I'm just kind of bored and sitting back randomly firing the laser at stuff, while D is hunkered down behind his laser, one eye looking at his targets, the other eye closed for better aiming, and his mouth open going "pew! pew!" or something of that nature. That was the second best photo ever. I should have grabbed it.
There weren't any photos from South Florida, but it was great, too. I was too busy having fun and I'd forgotten about my blog obligations to documenting everything. Blogligations, if you will.
To make it up to you, I'll let you see one last shot... it's a picture of my Ark of the Covenant where it resides on my toy shelf the way it should look... accented by a great find at little stand outside one of the stunt shows at MGM:
Yes, it's the Indiana Jones figure that should have been available at the Holyland. I only wish I could have found some of the Nazis or the Belloch French guy who opened the thing. And if any of you are wondering, yes, I've opened my little ark and no souls escaped... but it does come with little versions of the stone commandment tablets, an olive branch, and goblet that Indie had to find at the end of the 3rd movie. (I know the Big Guy forgives my irreverence... you should too!)
That's it for now. I'll try to stay on top of things from now on... can't promise anything, but I'll try!
Hope you all had a great holiday season, too!
Okay, okay. Don't go off and pout. I am sorry. Can you forgive me so we can move past this? Yes? Great! Now I can tell you about how I spent my winter vacation.
Yeah, I know that sounds like the title of a mandatory 4th grade report, and I'll tell you what... any 4th grader would be damn proud to have the kind of adventure that I had, boy howdy!
D and I spent a week in Central and South Florida for Christmas.
Someone check me for brain tumors! I've actually gone to the Land of the Mouse twice this year! Not only that, this time I actually wallowed in the City of Cheese. That's right... the majority of our time was spent in the Orlando/Kissimmee area, where we mostly played tourists.
Unfortunately, the amount of time we spent frolicking in theme parks, combined with the rigors of the holiday for the locals, meant that we were all too tired and/or busy to visit with any of my old school pals this time. We really wanted to, but all the walking and heat and required visit with my dad left us exhausted.
I say that visit was required only because he very generously gave us a week of his time share to use and we were able to stay in a huge villa right next to Disney... I couldn't not go visit with him after that (plus I felt a bit guilty about not making the time last trip there). I hadn't been to my dad's house since August 1999... shit, I was still married then!
By the way, the consensus from my dad and step-mom was that D was a swell guy who was welcome back anytime... and on Christmas day, they called again to say that my little half-sisters (ages 12 and 7) wanted to wish Dean a very Merry Christmas... no message for me though. Apparently after meeting Dean, they completely forgot that they had a big sister at all.
What follows is our travel itinerary, followed by a photoblog detailing our adventure. No questions will be taken until after you've suffered the photoblog... please make it through the whole entry before you ask me a thing, dammit! Or else I'm turning this blog around right now, you hear me! Okay then.
Day 1 - Drive from Atlanta to the Kissimmee timeshare villa. This involves a little last minute Xmas shopping beforehand, which was supposed to be brief, but turned into a several hour event. We finally managed to leave town around 4pm or so and didn't check in at our destination until well after Midnight.
Day 2 - More running around looking for food to fill our villa's huge kitchen and various sundries that we'd forgotten to pack, plus some more Xmas shopping, this time for my dad and step-mom, since we were headed there for dinner that evening. D suggested that we had to go to the Holyland Experience. I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. We actually paid to get in just to look in their gift shop. They later reimbursed the entry fee, thankfully... otherwise it's be a gip. I mean for $40 a pop, you'd think you'd at least get to see Jesus! Maybe sit on his lap and get a picture with him... tug on his beard... something. But no, Virginia, there was no Jesus.
I did, however, find something extremely cool for my dad... hell, I wanted a set, but there were only two and D needed something for his mom, so I had to let it go. The objects of my desire were 3 wooden and metal boxes which contained real gold, frankensense, and myrh. I'm serious, these were really cool. I don't have a picture of them, so you'll just have to imagine them yourself. They also had really awesome miniature Arcs of the Covenant, just like the one in Raiders... you bet your sweet ass I got one of those puppies! Unfortunately, they don't seem to know that they'd sell way more of them if they had little Indiana Jones action figures next to the display. They wouldn't be able to keep them in stock, if that were the case. Dean told me not to worry... we'd find a remedy for that soon enough.
The visit at my dad's house went very well... the weirdest moment was when my step-mom opened their present from D and I and without hesitation, she exclaimed, "You went to the Holyland?!" Now, NOWHERE on these boxes did it say where it came from, so obviously she goes there often enough to know what's in the gift shop. That was uncanny, yet somehow I wasn't entirely surprised.
Day 3 - The day was spent at Animal Kingdom... the evening was spent at Epcot. The pictures are better for this part of the story.
Day 4 - By day, we raced around MGM Studios... this time we didn't bother getting out super early, because it didn't make any difference with the lines. We figured it didn't matter if we made it to the Magic Kingdom or not, since I was basically raised there... but somehow at the end of the day, we still had a little energy left in reserve and we hit that park too. Again, pictures do this part of the story more justice... so see below.
Day 5 - We left Orlando behind and took off for South Florida, to spend Christmas Eve with D's college pals... a great meal followed by gift exchanging and a long game of Trivial Pursuit DVD. I really thought that the other team would win, with one player covering all of the sports trivia, another covering all of the movies, and the third covering everything else... especially when it was just me and D against them, and D isn't exactly a handicap... but... let's just say that when he did guess correctly, no one could figure out how he knew the answer, least of all him. Somehow, we came from waaaaay behind to win the game. They were a great bunch and it was a fun and informative evening, with his old pals all letting me in on important D habits and tales.
Day 6 - D and I were staying at a hotel in Fort Lauderdale, which coincidently just happened to be right next to his old college. He showed be around his old stomping grounds and we spent the majority of Christmas day enjoying a really long walk along the beach.
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the odd brunch we had at Denny's first though... where everyone working there seemed to be exhausted and angry, due to the second shift not showing up... the staff was pissed that they were having to miss time with their families and they were beginning to take it out on the customers. First, the scary hostess begrudgingly sat us after she wandered all over the restaurant trying to figure out who to saddle with us. She gave us to the sourest of servers... a 300+ pound, 6.5 foot tall guy who, when hearing that Dean wanted a shake, said, "You get it when I feel like getting it." He later apologized to us for his tone, and told us that he was missing Xmas dinner and his family said they were starting without him... he looked like a man who would never be happy to miss dinner, and probably came from a family that didn't believe in leftovers. He then tried to refill my coffee and when I turned him down, he said, "Oh, I'm filling it. And if I brought it over to you, you WILL drink it." I timidly obliged.
Day 7 - After watching a marathon of The Dog Whisperer on Animal Planet way into the night, I had a hard time getting out of bed for our drive back. We got out by 11am, but spent a couple hours tooling around a cool comic book store called Tate's, then having brunch (NOT at that Denny's) before heading out... somehow it was around 4pm again. We rolled into my driveway after Midnight again.
I only managed to take pictures of the theme park days and somehow missed out on snapping any of the surly Denny's server, the beach, D's pals, or the oddest thing ever: the vortex of hundreds of swirling turkey buzzards that gather in the air above the huge landfills that line the Florida turnpike. I don't think photos of that could do it justice, though... it's a truly bizarre and fear-inducing sight to behold.
Okay, you've been patient little campers. Here's the photo portion:
You may have to go back to my October entries to see an equal parallel to this, but once again, our lodgings were located in close proximity to some major cheese.
I ask you, Orlando, in all sincerity... what the hell is wrong with you people???
(Note D there on the right for scale.)
What's that little place through yonder forest?
Oh my God, we're going into the Holyland! Despite my own hesitation, due to fears of Koolaid pushers and stonings, D went right on in without any fear whatsoever.
There wasn't any sign of the Messiah, but these things were there, so I decided to tempt God and squat down next to them. Amazingly, I wasn't struck by lightning... maybe that's because these are just replicas. I mean, didn't Charleton Heston smash the real ones in that movie?
Here we see the reason why I should have been stoned to death in the Holyland: if it isn't obvious to you by now, this is a scene from inside my own head. If you look to the left, you'll find a comfy chair and a tv, with Bergman films playing in a loop... to the right you'll find unicorns and dragons.
Actually, it's just an image from the bat exhibit at Animal Kingdom, which made the whole place worth the cost of admission.
I could stay there all day, if it weren't for the whole guano odor problem.
Check this guy out... if you look closely, he's not only displaying his impressive wingspan, he's also showing you his weenis. Awesome, huh?
This picture was taken to show our roles at the park... navigator and documenter.
Our last ride of the day at Epcot was Mission Space... not necessarily because of the time, but because we rode the green "amateur" side first and thought we could get back on and handle the orange "advanced" side with no problem. We should have known before we got on and the warning message was different from the first... saying if you have a problem with spinning, you shouldn't ride. We were like, "Wait, did she just say spinning?" Apparently, and they don't tell you this, the whole room is a concealed centrifuge, spinning your blood so that the serum floods your brain and the red cells are in your toes. An important lesson learned is that if a ride has sick bags, you might want to reconsider.
There's no shame in looking like a pansy and crying to get off before it starts.
MGM Studios is a strange combination of Hollywood magic and Disneyana cheese... like this movie set street that converts later to...
...this Magic Kingdom-esque light show, complete with "snow" falling from the "sky" (it's actually soap bubbles).
At the Tower of Terror, they've mastered the art of setting a mood that creeps you out and has the bejeezus scared out of you before you even get your ass in the seat. As a matter of fact, D admitted the he'd backed out of this ride many a time at the last minute, using his son's fears as the excuse, but he was ready to bail anyway and it was always just a convenient ruse for his own fear. He was ready to bail this time as well and I had to pull and drag him onto this ride, with him gripping my hand really tight and muttering how much he HATED this ride. Yet, once the falling started, all I heard out of him was a high pitched "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" followed by girly giggling, followed by more screaming and more belly laughs. I don't think his mouth shut the whole time and I'm not sure when he took a breath, really.
I now present THE BEST PICTURE EVER (click on it to fully appreciate the moment):
Yeah, that's me laughing my ass off... and sure, the ride makes you laugh as it takes you back up for more and more drops... but it was D's screams that brought rolling tears down my cheeks from the unbridled laughter. I only got to ride the thing once, but I'd do that one over and over, if I could.
And finally...
That last photo is just to show you when the best time is to hit the Magic Kingdom... after 9pm when they do the fireworks show, the place just empties out and it's still open for 3 more hours... that's when you don't have to stand in any real lines and they'll even let you ride things over and over the closer it gets to Midnight.
I really wish that we'd bought the picture that was snapped of us on the Buzz Lightyear ride, where I'm just kind of bored and sitting back randomly firing the laser at stuff, while D is hunkered down behind his laser, one eye looking at his targets, the other eye closed for better aiming, and his mouth open going "pew! pew!" or something of that nature. That was the second best photo ever. I should have grabbed it.
There weren't any photos from South Florida, but it was great, too. I was too busy having fun and I'd forgotten about my blog obligations to documenting everything. Blogligations, if you will.
To make it up to you, I'll let you see one last shot... it's a picture of my Ark of the Covenant where it resides on my toy shelf the way it should look... accented by a great find at little stand outside one of the stunt shows at MGM:
Yes, it's the Indiana Jones figure that should have been available at the Holyland. I only wish I could have found some of the Nazis or the Belloch French guy who opened the thing. And if any of you are wondering, yes, I've opened my little ark and no souls escaped... but it does come with little versions of the stone commandment tablets, an olive branch, and goblet that Indie had to find at the end of the 3rd movie. (I know the Big Guy forgives my irreverence... you should too!)
That's it for now. I'll try to stay on top of things from now on... can't promise anything, but I'll try!
Hope you all had a great holiday season, too!
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