Still.
You think to yourself.
You wonder how identity is formed.
A moment comes... everything changes.
Your eyes meet and... electricity.
It shocks you from your slumber and makes you wonder what has come over you. It fills your head with thoughts that have long been dormant. And whatever "it" is, the electricity is palpable to others too. When you share thoughts together, time melts... suspends... transcends.
You start to think of a reason not to meet again... to get out of it... to cancel plans... to avoid change... and maintain an even keel.
When you hold onto a goal so long that it becomes your identity, it's scary to let go and become something else. You want to fight urges and protect that identity... the one you've been publicly and privately intimate with for so long now... so long now that it's begun to fit like a second skin. Excuses come up first... ways to resist... to avoid... temptation.
But then, just as the moment when you think you've come to the best rationalization and excuse there could be to avoid the inevitable... the phone rings.
A voice... just... a voice... and that's all it takes to make you abandon the pretense. It becomes easy to go... too difficult to stay.
The second meeting... electric again... and this time with a gleeful zest to it. You feel as if you're meeting someone you've known forever, but with the excitment of beginning something very new. No contact... well, friendly contact... hugs... first one was big as a greeting... and three more in departing... bigger each time. The embraces recharge you... and you feel your barriers between you crumbling just a little more with each one.
The eye contact was more dangerous though... must... avoid... looking... into... eyes... look at that spark... did I just see a thought in that spark? Look away... look anywhere... look... at... the lips... as they move... the shape of each letter... the fullness... were you staring just now? That has to stop. Why are you smiling still? An hour later and you're still smiling.
Time goes by. Much better. No challenge to the stasis. It's quiet. Then a missive... an envelope... tangible... hands have touched this... thought of you and wanted to share it with you. You can't bring yourself to open it. Too dangerous. Too confusing. You leave it sit in front of you every day. Unopened.
Another arrives... filled with more thoughts... more reminders of... those stirrings. You peak inside this one. The feeling comes over you that you need to squelch again. Each element pushes another pin in that lock cylinder you thought was so secure.
Communication comes again... real time thoughts are shared. You enjoy it. You welcome it. A little too much. You shake yourself back to your stance and announce your intentions of remaining steadfast to your resolve. But rather than being met with disheartenment, you are greeted with respect and understanding... and better yet... continued communication.
You meet again. All day, but it might as well have been an hour as the rest of the world dissolved. You spend the day looking elsewhere... but always returning to those eyes... those lips. Did you stare again? Did it go unnoticed?
You think it's time to part and return to the safety of your corner again... you with a sigh of relief having passed the test of the hours... until another friendly embrace... and ... you feel... lips... those lips... the ones you'd watched form syllables... coming to rest on the most sensitive part of you neck. The sigh of relief turns into breath lost as you feel yourself melt and several more pins are pushed aside in the chamber.
You leave smiling... for hours this time... hours and hours. But you're still safe... you left... and your precious sense of self is still safe. Or is it?
Another meeting is suggested the next day. You jump for it... feeling surprised at your own enthusiasm after spending all night awake when exhaustion should be taking over instead. And just as immediately as your energy returns, the clouds of that morning disappear... replaced by the most glorious day ever. Is Nature smiling too?
Stop making metaphors... only lovers make metaphors... you're a solo artist.
A walk in the park and conversation on a swing by a lake heighten these growing urges of yours... spinning metaphors the likes of which you could never come up with on your own. You can't look... those eyes... those lips... but you do look... and you look again... and you both smile.
This moment seems like a memory already... idealized and perfected, with all the uneventful stuff removed. But it's not edited... it's real... and it plays like a lucid dream.
You embrace for the last time as friends and something happens... a kiss... a short, friendly kiss... but it is charged with more sexuality and energy than any that last a hundred times longer.
Did that just happen? Did you make that happen? Has the last pin been pushed away and your secret self revealed? Whatever the cause, the knight awoke the sleeping beauty.
When the call comes later that night, there is seriousness in the tone. A confession comes about growing feelings... you sigh and melt and confess your own... and suddenly your goals and identities begin to merge. There is relief... though momentary... as another urgency begins to build.
Soon... another meeting is planned... almost not soon enough. You can think of nothing else but this coming moment through the nine days that pass. This one involves a neutral, private setting... an oasis. You say yes without hesitation... whoever you are now is speaking for you and the response is effortless. Everything is rolling to a boil. Areas of your brain that you hadn't used in over a year are now suddenly the ones that are getting the most use. You can't turn them off. You don't want to turn them off. You want to see where this goes.
Meeting... the meeting... the culmination of all those pins getting clicked inside an almost impenetrable lock and finally releasing for the first time ever.
The kiss... the real kiss... the real kiss as this new you. You spot a reflection of yourself in those eyes... those eyes that you couldn't let yourself look at too deeply before... those eyes that you can't stop yourself from looking at now. Your brain loses functioning and things seem a little tilted and a little bit brighter... new eyes will need to adjust to that.
This time, giving yourself permission to look... to really look... you see so much more that you forced yourself not to see before. Are those gray hairs at the temples? They are. Are there some on the chest as well? There are! Do those brown eyes have as much green in them as your green eyes have brown? They do. And you look deeply now. And those lips........ those lips........... those................. lips.
What does 16 hours of bliss feel like? Time slips. So many sensations... so many new... so many familiar. A perfect fit... nothing missing... everything just right. Appetites are sated... but there's always room for more... and more.
What does 16 hours of bliss feel like? Time drips. Like idealized memories with the boring parts removed. Again.
You think to yourself.
You wonder how identity is formed.
A moment comes... everything changes.
Your eyes meet and... electricity.
It shocks you from your slumber and makes you wonder what has come over you. It fills your head with thoughts that have long been dormant. And whatever "it" is, the electricity is palpable to others too. When you share thoughts together, time melts... suspends... transcends.
You start to think of a reason not to meet again... to get out of it... to cancel plans... to avoid change... and maintain an even keel.
When you hold onto a goal so long that it becomes your identity, it's scary to let go and become something else. You want to fight urges and protect that identity... the one you've been publicly and privately intimate with for so long now... so long now that it's begun to fit like a second skin. Excuses come up first... ways to resist... to avoid... temptation.
But then, just as the moment when you think you've come to the best rationalization and excuse there could be to avoid the inevitable... the phone rings.
A voice... just... a voice... and that's all it takes to make you abandon the pretense. It becomes easy to go... too difficult to stay.
The second meeting... electric again... and this time with a gleeful zest to it. You feel as if you're meeting someone you've known forever, but with the excitment of beginning something very new. No contact... well, friendly contact... hugs... first one was big as a greeting... and three more in departing... bigger each time. The embraces recharge you... and you feel your barriers between you crumbling just a little more with each one.
The eye contact was more dangerous though... must... avoid... looking... into... eyes... look at that spark... did I just see a thought in that spark? Look away... look anywhere... look... at... the lips... as they move... the shape of each letter... the fullness... were you staring just now? That has to stop. Why are you smiling still? An hour later and you're still smiling.
Time goes by. Much better. No challenge to the stasis. It's quiet. Then a missive... an envelope... tangible... hands have touched this... thought of you and wanted to share it with you. You can't bring yourself to open it. Too dangerous. Too confusing. You leave it sit in front of you every day. Unopened.
Another arrives... filled with more thoughts... more reminders of... those stirrings. You peak inside this one. The feeling comes over you that you need to squelch again. Each element pushes another pin in that lock cylinder you thought was so secure.
Communication comes again... real time thoughts are shared. You enjoy it. You welcome it. A little too much. You shake yourself back to your stance and announce your intentions of remaining steadfast to your resolve. But rather than being met with disheartenment, you are greeted with respect and understanding... and better yet... continued communication.
You meet again. All day, but it might as well have been an hour as the rest of the world dissolved. You spend the day looking elsewhere... but always returning to those eyes... those lips. Did you stare again? Did it go unnoticed?
You think it's time to part and return to the safety of your corner again... you with a sigh of relief having passed the test of the hours... until another friendly embrace... and ... you feel... lips... those lips... the ones you'd watched form syllables... coming to rest on the most sensitive part of you neck. The sigh of relief turns into breath lost as you feel yourself melt and several more pins are pushed aside in the chamber.
You leave smiling... for hours this time... hours and hours. But you're still safe... you left... and your precious sense of self is still safe. Or is it?
Another meeting is suggested the next day. You jump for it... feeling surprised at your own enthusiasm after spending all night awake when exhaustion should be taking over instead. And just as immediately as your energy returns, the clouds of that morning disappear... replaced by the most glorious day ever. Is Nature smiling too?
Stop making metaphors... only lovers make metaphors... you're a solo artist.
A walk in the park and conversation on a swing by a lake heighten these growing urges of yours... spinning metaphors the likes of which you could never come up with on your own. You can't look... those eyes... those lips... but you do look... and you look again... and you both smile.
This moment seems like a memory already... idealized and perfected, with all the uneventful stuff removed. But it's not edited... it's real... and it plays like a lucid dream.
You embrace for the last time as friends and something happens... a kiss... a short, friendly kiss... but it is charged with more sexuality and energy than any that last a hundred times longer.
Did that just happen? Did you make that happen? Has the last pin been pushed away and your secret self revealed? Whatever the cause, the knight awoke the sleeping beauty.
When the call comes later that night, there is seriousness in the tone. A confession comes about growing feelings... you sigh and melt and confess your own... and suddenly your goals and identities begin to merge. There is relief... though momentary... as another urgency begins to build.
Soon... another meeting is planned... almost not soon enough. You can think of nothing else but this coming moment through the nine days that pass. This one involves a neutral, private setting... an oasis. You say yes without hesitation... whoever you are now is speaking for you and the response is effortless. Everything is rolling to a boil. Areas of your brain that you hadn't used in over a year are now suddenly the ones that are getting the most use. You can't turn them off. You don't want to turn them off. You want to see where this goes.
Meeting... the meeting... the culmination of all those pins getting clicked inside an almost impenetrable lock and finally releasing for the first time ever.
The kiss... the real kiss... the real kiss as this new you. You spot a reflection of yourself in those eyes... those eyes that you couldn't let yourself look at too deeply before... those eyes that you can't stop yourself from looking at now. Your brain loses functioning and things seem a little tilted and a little bit brighter... new eyes will need to adjust to that.
This time, giving yourself permission to look... to really look... you see so much more that you forced yourself not to see before. Are those gray hairs at the temples? They are. Are there some on the chest as well? There are! Do those brown eyes have as much green in them as your green eyes have brown? They do. And you look deeply now. And those lips........ those lips........... those................. lips.
What does 16 hours of bliss feel like? Time slips. So many sensations... so many new... so many familiar. A perfect fit... nothing missing... everything just right. Appetites are sated... but there's always room for more... and more.
What does 16 hours of bliss feel like? Time drips. Like idealized memories with the boring parts removed. Again.
Curving... undulating... slipping... solid... fluid... twist... pulse... supple... suckle... breathe... deeply... breathe... quickly... slowly... whisper... exhale... glowing... beaming... smile.
You can't possibly edit something when every single second seems to be significant somehow... like something you will remember when you're too old to remember anything else... and they'll still make you smile. You could replay the events and lose a whole day smiling.
Could this all be illusion? Do our minds play tricks? You've had glimpses of these moments before in others... but they were singular mostly... one from here... another from there. And all of those are happening now all in one moment. You are in awe of the moment and of every detail. It transcends all.
And yet... it could disappear when identity creeps in... but identity is not reality.
You can't possibly edit something when every single second seems to be significant somehow... like something you will remember when you're too old to remember anything else... and they'll still make you smile. You could replay the events and lose a whole day smiling.
Could this all be illusion? Do our minds play tricks? You've had glimpses of these moments before in others... but they were singular mostly... one from here... another from there. And all of those are happening now all in one moment. You are in awe of the moment and of every detail. It transcends all.
And yet... it could disappear when identity creeps in... but identity is not reality.
Perception is such a fluid thing, and yet sometimes it feels solid and real. Of course, wasn't it just days ago that you thought you were someone else? And a matter of some years ago you thought you were someone else still. When you are truly in the moment, everything is significant. And if life could be filled with nothing but significant moments, you are certain that mountains could be moved... everything changes, even perception.
The moment... in it completely. When that moment takes you, do you go with it? Certainly. Can you hold that moment? Indefinitely. How does a moment become so significant that it changes your identity? Exponentially. You know it happens, but it doesn't happen without something you add to it. Perception.
Everything remains fluid and so now you float... confident in knowing the moment will return again. And again. Confident in knowing the moment has already changed all future moments and has become part of your story... your identity... you.
Step lightly now and let it take you.
Life.
The moment... in it completely. When that moment takes you, do you go with it? Certainly. Can you hold that moment? Indefinitely. How does a moment become so significant that it changes your identity? Exponentially. You know it happens, but it doesn't happen without something you add to it. Perception.
Everything remains fluid and so now you float... confident in knowing the moment will return again. And again. Confident in knowing the moment has already changed all future moments and has become part of your story... your identity... you.
Step lightly now and let it take you.
Life.
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